Abby McDonald

Finding the Hope of Christ in a Messy Life

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How Unhealthy Expectations Can Crush Us During this Crazy Season

October 30, 2020 by Abby McDonald

My turn to share was coming, and I wasn’t ready. While the other women on our Google chat discussed their writing goals, my mind spun on repeat. With a new school year looking nothing like anything I’d known, this word “goals” had a whole new meaning. I was still processing it.

Ah yes, goals. What were those again? My goal yesterday was to make sure the kids sat in their seats for five minutes without making a trip to the bathroom or asking for more snacks. Today, it was to figure out tech issues.

Sometimes my goals vary by the hour. I’ve spent more time with my people in the past eight months than ever before, and although I love them, my mental capacity seems to wane a little more each minute. This afternoon, I turned my head to see our three-year-old daughter about to climb the built-in bookshelf. (Don’t gasp; she didn’t get far)

So, needless to say this Google chat was a welcome diversion where I could talk to other women like an actual adult. I listened to plans about our shared passion for writing and encouraging other women. It was bliss.

But my mind wasn’t on the future. It was on all the ways I’d failed over the past eight months. Goals that weren’t met. Timelines that were set and passed.

I sat there listening and secretly thought, “Is it okay if my goal is to survive until school returns to some semblance of normal?”

When it was my turn to talk, I wondered if I should skip over September altogether. As if reading my mind, one of my friends spoke up.

“You know, Abby, we’ll support you however you need us to. If you just need prayer for strength during a season, that’s ok too.”

I could have cried. Why did I think that in the middle of new schedule and endless distractions, my expectations should somehow remain the same? Everyone seemed to get it but me.

The weight of my own expectations crushed me.

I was buried under them. And I knew it had to stop.

Later that evening, I opened my nightstand and pulled out a treasure these same women sent me the week before my daughter was born: prayers for our sweet Elise. And prayers for me. I read over each one, soaking them in once more and paying particular attention to these words:

“May Abby find rest when rest is due and comfort solely in You.”

No, I wasn’t seeking comfort in Him. I was seeking comfort in items checked off my to-do list. My posture wasn’t one of rest, but striving and worrying. I was trying my best not to feel invisible. But you know what?

In the middle of all our striving to make ourselves visible to others, we are never invisible to God.

He sees us, loves us and holds us even when we don’t see Him.

Friends, having goals is awesome. I will continue to set them and attain them. But we don’t have to fight for God to notice us. If we are in Christ, he already sees us as his beloved.

Claim it. Believe it. Live like it.

When we do, we can stop fighting for his attention and pour out a love that’s already ours.

Will You Join Us? 

Are you finding it difficult to care for yourself or create margin to hear from God during this crazy season? I hear you, sister. We are all worn out. How do we find time to replenish our mind, body and spirit when everyone needs us? This is why I am so excited to share a free conference with you that is geared toward helping women find rest and peace right in the middle of the chaos that surrounds our days. The 2020 Christian Women’s Self-Care Conference is has over 55 workshops from anointed speakers. My session is titled Creating Margin: The Critical Element of Self-Care. Other workshop topics include:

  • Biblical Body Image
  • Self-Care Strategies for the Storms of Life
  • When the Holidays Aren’t So Happy
  • Delight, Desires, and the Heart: How to Receive What God Has for You
  • Breaking Free From Negative Family Patterns
  • Getting Past Comparison and Caring for the One and Only You

And much, much more. I hope to see you there. You can register and learn more by clicking the link below.

Register Here.

An Invitation:

If you need further encouragement that God is for you, even in the midst of the struggle, uncertainty, and unknown future, I encourage you to pick of a copy of my book, Shift: Changing Our Focus to See the Presence of God. Many people have sent me messages saying it is a timely book for this season, which encourages my heart so much. I pray that God continues to use it to touch lives.

You can purchase a copy of Shift by clicking the image below.

*Affiliate disclosure

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Hi! I'm Abby and I'm so glad you're here. I am a wife and a mom of two very energetic boys and one sweet baby girl. When I'm not chasing them around I love to write about my love for a God who relentlessly pursued me, even during my darkest times. READ MORE...

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Not all authors read reviews of their book, and I Not all authors read reviews of their book, and I understand that. It can be more than a little discouraging to read a scathing review. I am one of those authors who does read them, because sometimes I need a small glimpse of what God is doing. A little push to keep going. This review on Amazon made me tear up when I read it, because this is why I write. If it weren’t for things like this, I would’ve quit a long time ago.

If you’ve read Shift, please consider leaving an honest review. Why? Well, for one thing, I’m nearing one of those magic numbers on Amazon: 100. I don’t think fireworks will go off or anything when I reach it, but it does help with Amazon’s algorithms. This means more people will see the book when they’re shopping in the “you may also like” section, etc. And another person may be reached by God in ways only he can reach them, like he did here.

Thank you so much. 💗

P.S. You do not have to have purchased from Amazon to leave an Amazon review.

#authorsofinstagram #hopewriters #bookstagram #booksof2020 #shiftbook
This is me. An unremarkable photo after something This is me. An unremarkable photo after something I had to psyche myself up for an hour to do: thirty minutes of intense cardio. Back in January, I said yes to a life change I haven’t done, well, ever. I started working out five days a week, I eliminated processed foods, and replaced my love for potato chips with fruit and veggies. 

(Well, actually that’s not true, but I tell myself it is as I’m eating the healthy stuff. 😉)

My point of all this is not to tell you I lost twenty pounds or even ten, because I haven’t. It’s not to sell you anything either, because I’m not. My point is to tell you this: Keep going, even when you don’t think it’s making a difference.

When I didn’t see immediate results, I was tempted to give up. But with each choice to show up, I see progress. More energy. Less recovery time and breathlessness. Even after three weeks, I feel different, because my body and mind are changing.

Whenever we start something new, there’s usually a dip. That period where we don’t see the change we want, so we throw in the towel. But nothing in life worth having comes easy. So keep pressing play. Keep making the choice to move awkwardly through the discomfort.

Because one day you’ll wake up and realize you’re not the same.

#keepgoing #lifegoals #hopewriters #authorsofinstagram #shiftyourmindset
#ValentinesDayChallenge •How did you two meet #ValentinesDayChallenge
•How did you two meet? We lived in the same apartment complex and would always see each other while walking our dogs. Our dogs wanted to play together. 🐶💖

•How long have you been together? About 18 years since our first date.

•Who asked who out? Chris asked me.
 
•Who said I love you first? Chris 

•Who is the most sensitive? Me

•Where do you eat out most as a couple? Ottaviani’s 

•Who’s older? Me
 
•Who has the worst temper? Chris

•Who is more social? We’re about the same but Chris is friendlier to people we don’t know.

•Who is the neat freak? Me

•Who is the most stubborn? It’s a toss up.

•Who gives in first? Me

•Who's the funnier one? He is. 

•What was your first date? Cafe Strudel in Columbia, SC

•Where was your first kiss? My apartment 

•Plans date night? I find the sitter, he books the restaurant.

•Who was interested first? Him

•Who is the first one to admit when they’re in the wrong? It’s about 50/50.

•Who wears the pants in the relationship? Depends on the subject.

•Who cries more? Me

•Married? Yes- 14.5 years 

•Who makes the most messes? Chris 

•Who sings better? Me 

•Hogs the remote? Me

•Better driver? Chris gets in an accident every time I’m pregnant. When I’m not, we’re both pretty safe but I have a lead foot.

•Spends the most? Me

•Did you go to the same school? No- rival universities, actually 
 
•Where is the furthest you two have traveled? Hawaii

Happy Valentine’s Day, my love! There’s no one I’d rather do this crazy life with. 

#valentinesday2021 #myvalentine
Those people in our lives who don’t think the wa Those people in our lives who don’t think the way we do? They’re the exact ones God called us to love. I know I can do better in this area, and I’m asking him to help me embrace the differences that challenge me.

When he gave the greatest commandment, he didn’t use qualifiers. I’m so glad he created a world that is diverse and not monotone. It’s so much more beautiful and interesting than a one note, one tone creation.

#hopewriters #authorsofinstagram #cultivatekindness #hisgrace #cultivatewhatmatters
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He didn’t know me from Adam’s cat, so he couldn’t have known how much I would need the truth woven into the penned scripture reference:

“Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!"

But God knew. 

More times than I can count, God has spoken to me through the right word at the right time or a simple gesture. The beauty of it is that he uses ordinary people like you and me to do it. All it requires is for us to follow a little nudge, and we can change the trajectory of someone’s life.

Who is God calling you to encourage today?

shiftbook.org

#shiftbook #wordsofencouragement #hopewriters #authorsofinstagram #shiftyourmindset
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➡️ Excerpted from Shift

shiftbook.org

#shiftbook #shiftyourmindset #authorsofinstagram #hopewriters #hisgrace #faithquotes
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It turns out, I wrote an entire book about shifting and I didn’t even realize how much I would need it. Today is its one year birthday. 

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God called me to shift my perspective in a way I never foresaw, and in a way I quite frankly didn’t want to.

But doing so changed me.

➡️ New post- link in bio

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One of the things I love about winter is it reminds me that God creates beauty in the midst of darkness. Beauty right there in the midst of death. As I watched the flakes fall, I realized how whimsical they are. They take their time and show off on their descent. And when the moon comes out and its light reflects off the fresh snow, there’s nothing like it. 

#winterreflections #hopewriters #snowdays #searchingforbeauty #winterwonderland
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