Abby McDonald

Finding the Hope of Christ in a Messy Life

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The Lie We Believe About Hiding Our Depression

April 16, 2020 by Abby McDonald

“Mama, the monsters are coming at me,” my son said.

He stood by the bed with his face inches from mine, hands animated. My mid-REM cycle brain lingered between sleep and reality.

“What?” I asked. I saw that my son was disturbed by something. After realizing I was going to have to get out of bed, I stumbled to his room. I gave the bunk a full examination before telling him to get back in.

Five minutes later, he reappeared. The monsters were still there.

For some reason, the miracle of a flashlight never occurred to me. Thank God for my husband who came to the rescue with not just a flashlight, but a headlamp. Under the pillow it went.

Sweet, uninterrupted sleep followed. The next morning, I realized this tool I took for granted revealed the truth: the “monsters” were in fact shadows. There were no creepy things waiting to grab him in the night. He was safe.

It’s amazing what a little light can do.

Even in the darkest place, a flicker of it can go a long way.

A few years ago, before any of us had heard of Covid-19, I needed some light of my own. But for months, I didn’t tell anyone. I went through a dark season where I listened to one lie after another. Lies telling me I wasn’t enough. Lies telling me I should do better as a mother, wife, writer and friend. Whispers that said I wasn’t going to make it.

I thought, “If I can just make it through today, things will get better.”

Good days came and went and when the darkness hit again, I thought, “I’m just having a bad day.”

Somehow, bringing my struggle out into the open seemed threatening. I convinced myself if I could carry it a little longer, it would go away. I thought telling someone would make it my reality.

But in truth, it already was.

One day I sat in church operating the media projector while the worship band played Healing Is Here by The Deluge. My eyes were wet with tears as I mouthed the words.

Sickness can’t stay any longer

Your perfect love is casting out fear

You are the God of all power

And it is your will that my life is healed

Did I believe that? Did I believe God wanted me to be whole, complete, and fully secure in his love?

As I sat there asking myself this question, a miracle took place. The pastor called a sister forward to pray over the offering, but the Spirit had something else for us that day. A rescue. A release.

“There’s someone here who’s suffering from depression,” she stated without hesitation.

She said God wanted that person to know his healing power was for her. The tears ran freely down my cheeks. But still, my butt remained glue to my seat. In the next half hour, our church literally became what Jesus referred to in Matthew as “A House of Prayer.” Service stopped. The sermon was postponed.

This woman’s husband stood up and extended a second invitation, and I knew I had to go forward. And as a stood there at the front of the sanctuary with my head bowed, her hand reached through the crowd and grabbed mine.

Music played in the background while this sister prayed over me, naming lie after lie that I’d listened to for months. It was a God-ordained moment.

And what I realized was this: Even when no one else saw my pain, God did.

“…for your Father knows what you need before you even ask him.” Matthew 6:8b NIV

I finally understood that hiding our struggles does not diminish their power. It increases it.

But when I gave my problem a name, I was able to take the first step toward healing. I said, “I’m not going to let this rule me anymore.”

When we bring our darkness into his Light, he shows us truth.

Like my son with his headlamp, we can see the shadows aren’t able to defeat us. Though they lurk, they can never stand a chance against his perfect love.

Friend, no matter what you’re going through today, know this: God sees. He sees the trauma and the grief we’re all going through as a result of this seemingly endless pandemic. He grieves with us. Bring your fears, your problems and your sickness into his Light today. Tell someone you trust what you’re struggling with. Take a step forward.

His healing power begins when we reach for his hand.

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Filed Under: depression, God's love

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  1. Lisa Appelo says

    April 16, 2020 at 12:56 pm

    So true, Abby. There is such vulnerability admitting we don’t have it altogether but that is exactly where God meets us with his strength.

  2. Betsy de Cruz says

    April 16, 2020 at 10:14 pm

    This is so good Abby. Especially because it seems like our pandemic “monsters” are hanging around for a while. Just today I found comfort and light in telling my husband I’d been feeling sad the last 2 days. (Mom’s 79th birthday was yesterday and one brother is moving to another state, but no family party.)

  3. Joanne Benassi says

    April 22, 2020 at 7:54 am

    I so needed to here this message today!!! Shining God’s light into the darkness of all that is taking place is settling to my soul. At times, we just need reminders like this message.

    • Abby McDonald says

      May 7, 2020 at 10:07 pm

      I’m so glad to hear this post encouraged you, Joanne. Yes, I don’t know what I’d to without his light to shine in those dark places. Thank you for stopping by.

Hi! I'm Abby and I'm so glad you're here. I am a wife and a mom of two very energetic boys and one sweet baby girl. When I'm not chasing them around I love to write about my love for a God who relentlessly pursued me, even during my darkest times. READ MORE...

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Friend, if you are in a season of waiting right no Friend, if you are in a season of waiting right now, I encourage you to look back on the ways God delivered you in the past. Repeat promises about his character out loud and write them in places where you will see them throughout the day. 

Doing these things may feel silly at first, but here’s what you’re doing: You’re rewiring your brain. When your mind is tempted to believe the negative, you are building a neural pathway to truth. You are creating a pattern, and as you do, it will begin to become more natural.

No matter what, remember God goes with you, even on the days it feels as though you’re alone. He is reaching out for you through the waves of chaos. Reach for him, and grab hold.
A few weeks ago, I had a heart to heart with God w A few weeks ago, I had a heart to heart with God while walking our dog in the cold. There were a few areas in my life where I was beyond weary. My honest confession didn’t leave me with any answers, but the release made me feel the weight lift a little. But still, I longed for some type reassurance. Like Moses before the burning bush, my heart whispered, “Show me your glory.”

That night my husband and I were sitting in our back yard, and I witnessed an unexpected gift I’d never seen: a meteor shower. Every few moments, a streak of light would illuminate the sky, and the magic of it left me awestruck. It was unlike anything I’d experienced in a long time.

As I put my head on the pillow that night, I sensed God saying, “I know you don’t always see it, but I’m protecting you in more ways than you know.”

There are fires He puts out that we never see.

Destructive masses flying toward us that are struck down before they reach us.

And while the struggle and the weariness remain, somehow I feel held right here in the middle of it. I know I’m seen. I know His love reaches places that go beyond those streaks of fire.

#faithhopelove #hisloveenduresforever #prayermatters #keepgoing
Have you ever heard a message that breathed new li Have you ever heard a message that breathed new life into a passage? This happened to me today, and I couldn’t believe the ways this psalm opened up before my eyes, even though I’d read it hundreds of times.

A valley of darkness is not a place where I’d want to sit down and have a meal. My focus would be on getting out. I can see myself asking God, “Can’t you see all these shadows lurking? Really, God?” And yet there David is, right in the middle of the shadow of death, eating. The Lord doesn’t wait until he gets to the other side to prepare the table. He prepares in right there in front his enemies. Enemies who are likely taunting. Whispering lies. Asking what he’s doing there and if he thinks he’ll really make it through. 

But God isn’t intimidated by the darkness that trembles in his presence. He wants to take David to higher ground. And you know what? He won’t get there by staying comfortable.

So instead of letting the voices of evil defeat him, David declares victory. His cup overflows. His path is secure. And ours is too, friends. Keep praising him in the midst of the battle today.

#authorsofinstagram #hopewriters #sundayscripture #hisgrace #victoryisyours #christianwriterscommunity #scriptureoftheday
We make thousands of choices each day, but not all We make thousands of choices each day, but not all of them are life altering. If you’re anything like me, when those big ones come 
you can go to God and expect an answer right then, even when you’ve done little to even connect with him.

But connection to God will always precede the direction of God. 

To enjoy the limitless benefits that come from this relationship, we must first take time fostering it. Wisdom, joy, love, and a sound mind are all at our fingertips. If we take the time. If we seek him before simply seeking his plans.

When we do, we find this:

1. God will open the doors he wants us to walk through. 

2. We often complicate what God has already instructed us to do. 

3. The right decision does not mean there are no bumps in the road.

Friend, I don’t know what decision fatigue you’re facing today, but know you face decisions that need to be made. This is the life we live. Whether they’re big or small, fear-inducing or not, know God is there with you, and he gives wisdom to whoever will ask.

#dailydevotional #decisionmaking #hisgrace #seekhimfirst
Sometimes the first sentence is the hardest to wri Sometimes the first sentence is the hardest to write. That’s why nearly every time I write, I ask myself these two questions:

1. What is my reader’s biggest struggle right now?
2. If I could tell my reader one thing, what would it be?

Asking these two questions not only clarify my writing, but keep it focused. The less rabbit trails, the better. 😉

What other questions would you add to this list?

#writingcoach #amwriting #writeyourstory #writingonwednesdays
This man gives selflessly of his time, love and en This man gives selflessly of his time, love and energy and teaches me so much about what it means to serve others with a humble heart. Today is his birthday, and I’m grateful that I get to celebrate another year of his life! Happy birthday, Chris! 🎉💗 We love you so much.

#birthdaylove #43yearsyoung #birthdaywishes
I am a visual processor. It always helps ingrain t I am a visual processor. It always helps ingrain things in my mind to see them laid out this way. That’s why I’m my book, Shift, I included several charts similar to this one to help transform our mindset. To shift our focus from what’s seen to what’s unseen.

One of the beautiful truths I learned through writing is that we get to control our narrative. We may hear words that aren’t true and even say them to ourselves, but they don’t have to get the final say.

We can:

1. Speak what’s true out loud. Matthew 12:35 says the mouth speaks what the heart is full of, but the opposite is also true. Speaking truth gets it into our heart.

2. Set boundaries on the toxicity we let into our lives. Whether it’s people, the news, social media or tv, we control what goes in. And what goes in matters to our mental health.

3. Write it down. We saw the Jews do this in the OT. It is a tried and true method and it works. 

Our minds won’t transform by osmosis. Lord knows, I’ve tried this method and failed. 😅 The battle starts with claiming the truth. But my prayer is that eventually the Word will become like air in our lungs, the same way our Creator breathed life into us.

➡️ Learn more via link in bio.

#shiftbook #shiftyourmindset #hopewriters #authorsofinstagram #christianauthors #bookstagram
Ever have a deadline looming and feel completely u Ever have a deadline looming and feel completely unmotivated to write? 🙋🏻‍♀️ Sometimes procrastination is not an option. Here are a few tips that have been effective for me:

1. Read or listen to something inspirational. Often, this will give me a fresh perspective or angle on a topic that I hadn’t considered.

2. Pray about it and dedicate your writing to God. God is the author of creativity. His Spirit is an endless source of beauty, inspiration, and fresh fire.

3. Move around. A blank computer screen is not very inspiring, is it? Movement and blood flow can spark a brain that’s tired and foggy with fresh ideas. 

Whatever you do, come back to the page. Always. Even if you think the writing is garbage, you can always edit. 

#writingtips #writingonwednesdays #writingcoach #keepgoing
I often forget that the middle of a new endeavor o I often forget that the middle of a new endeavor or opportunity is just as important as the beginning. When new beginnings and expectancy turn into endless days of the same, the transition can be grueling. Each day I must make the choice to get up and be present. I must be intentional about finding those new moments and opportunities for joy, even when they seem hidden.

While there are times in life when God calls us to leap or make a bold move for him, there are other seasons when he asks us to keep our feet firmly planted. In these seasons, our faith is stretched in different ways. 

Don’t let the messiness of the middle keep you from finishing the work God has for you. Keep looking for his presence in the details. Because one day, you will see the fruit he brought forth from that place.

➡️ Adapted from my book, Shift

#bookstagram #shiftbook #shiftyourmindset #faithfulness
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