I didn’t plan to write this post for you today. I had an outline for New Year’s possibilities and dreams, goal-setting and fresh starts.
But the truth is, that isn’t what was on my heart.
Traveling over five hundred miles to my South Carolina home for the holidays brought plenty of opportunity to reflect and look forward. But it also brought a reminder that for some, starting over because of a new date on the calendar isn’t so easy. For some, it’s not even a possibility.
We serve a God who makes all things new, but we also live in earthly bodies where the consequences of our actions are real. And as we enter the New Year, I wish with every ounce of my being that someone I love could start over. That time could erase the past wounds, the hurt and the mistakes.
We serve a God who’s in the business of doing the impossible, but there’s a fatal error we often make in our approach to family members and loved ones who self-destruct. Or at least, I know I have.
I’ve been fighting a spiritual battle with earthly tools.
It’s easy to say, “Stop.” Or, “Go to rehab.” Get a job. Do better. Get yourself together.
But there’s a war taking place in the spiritual realm we don’t see, and often completely disregard. Do we think the enemy wants those we love to get well? Do you think he wants to see God use what he intended for harm to become a living testimony to those who are lost?
Not for one minute. And he’ll do everything within this power to keep the wanderer circling the desert for another year, another ten or even a lifetime.
If we want to see progress, we have to recognize who the real enemy is. Because it isn’t the habit, the addiction or the poor decision-making. Those are only the symptoms. They’re the symptoms of a spirit in bondage. A spirit Christ wants to set free, but freedom is the result of a choice.
So what do we do? What tools do we have?
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Fervent, unceasing prayer.
I’m not talking about prayers where we go to God and say, “Father, please make so-and-so well. Amen.” Does he hear these prayers? Absolutely. But I’m talking about tearful, heartfelt prayers that bring us to our knees. In the day, in the middle of the night, and every hour in between. Not seeing results? Pray harder. If your loved one isn’t dead, there’s still time for change.
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Speaking the Word out loud, over our loved one, and in our prayers.
When Jesus was tempted by Satan in the wilderness, he defeated him with the Word of God. So if he needed the Word and his greatest enemy fled because of it, why don’t we use it more often? If don’t know about you, but this is an area where I can definitely grow.
If your family member or loved one is angry with God, remind him or her of his mercy and unfailing love. If they’re suffering from an identity crisis, remind them who they are once covered by the blood of Christ. Whether we see immediate fruit or not, God’s word never returns to him void. I can guarantee it.
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Relying on the Spirit’s power, not our own.
I’ve often thought I could argue my way into reaching someone. But this has worked exactly zero times. What works is when I let the Spirit guide my words. When I listen for that still, small voice before I speak and I pay attention to his leading. This takes practice, and I’m by no means perfect at it, but I’m learning. I’m growing. And as long as I keep seeking him, he’ll keep guiding me, whispering whether to turn to the right or to the left.
On our own, we have no power to influence anyone. Especially someone who is being held captive by a darkness that clouds judgment, disguises lies as truth, and presents temporary fixes that lead to long-term death.
Friends, we have to get real about what we’re dealing with. I’m standing with you in the gap today, and I’m committed to the fight. Let’s go to battle for the ones we love, and start battling the true enemy. Let’s do it together, today.
“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12 NIV
Thanks Abby. I needed this reminder today.
So glad it spoke to you, Laura. I needed this reminder too and I’m praying for us both today. If our loved ones are still here, there is still hope and we will keep fighting.
Abby, finally someone writes about the good, the bad, and the ugly. I prayed those groveling, on the floor on your face prayers, I’ve snotted, I’ve ugly cried, I’ve screamed and shouted from the mountaintop declaring God’s Word over my loved one/s. I’ve sat quiet when God told me to shut up. I’ve collapsed on a friend’s shoulder when the weight of it had me down for the count and I allowed HER to go to war with me. I’ve pulled the sheets up over my head and said NO MORE GOD NO MORE UNTIL THERE IS BREAKTHROUGH. Until I limp I will wrestle for my loved one. Five years. And, then the miracle. Hang in my friend – their life depends on it. I’ve been in battle and I’ve held arms high for others. Father God in the Name of Wonderful we pray for Abby’s loved one – we speak life and salvation and healing and addiction-free over them — we pour out the Balm of Gilead and say NO MORE SATAN, NO MORE. Father God, Your arm is not short nor is Your ear deaf – work on behalf of this dear one. Let there be victory in the Name of Jesus in 2019. Amen.
Beautifully said….thank you.
Susan, your comment moved me to tears and gives me so much hope. Thank you, thank you for sharing. It’s been longer than 5 years for me, but I haven’t been consistent and God has given me renewed fervor to keep fighting. If they’re not dead, there is still time and God will move mountains on their behalf. God bless you and Happy New Year.
Abbey, I vividly remember sitting in one of many family support groups and saying that sometimes it would be easier to bury my son than to continue watching him slowly self destruct. I can’t honestly say that I was tearfully on my knees seeking God’s Will…although I spent many tearful days and nights trying to think of ways that I could fix his problems.
It took 15 years and a literal hurricane to place me in a small church in a town surrounded by devastation before I finally received confirmation that God did hear my prayers for my son. It was such an emotionally sweet and compassionate “God Moment”.
At that point, I began to pray for God to break my son to the point that he had no choice except to turn to God. I did not know at the time whether or not he had ever ask Christ into his life…so I prayed that God would surround him with a shield of protection until that was confirmed. I don’t believe I’ve ever had to put that much faith into a prayer! Saying that I was tearful is an understatement….I was on my knees sobbing because for the first time I knew in my heart that God had been battling for my son the entire time. He had no intentions of entertaining the idea that I would find relief if burying my son….that fear and hopelessness came directly from the enemy. What better way to make sure that a parent doesn’t get down on their knees and release their child into Christ hands than to fill them with fear and anxiety. I’m working daily (sometimes hourly) to lay those emotions along with guilt, shame, unworthiness and the need to control things I cannot control at the foot of the cross.
I have not seen David in 2 years. Weeks have gone by with no communication and no details of where he actually was. We knew he was homeless and living in his truck in the mountains of Colorado. He began having severe panic attacks and paranoia that would push him to the point of calling me to sometimes say he was dying, and he was sorry. I would talk to him and pray until he called 911…he would go to the ER….then discharged back to freezing temps in his truck! But…we continued to pray for protection and brokenness. I had to believe that God was answering our prayers and His plan was to reach David’s heart.
We got our Christmas wish this year. David came home Christmas Eve. God placed so many people and situations into play that there is no denying that it was His Hands driving those 4 long days to get him here. There were so many people praying for him…and my perfect gift this year was the confirmation that he had accepted Christ as his savior as a young teenager at summer camp. He has been running from God’s redemption and restoration for so long….but God never left his side.
I wish I could say that we are communicating and it’s all rainbows and cotton candy now … it’s not. But I’m praying bold prayers now and I have resolved to let go of the fear that has had such a stronghold on my heart.
I know God hears this Mother’s Heart. I know He has a plan for my son. I know that my prayers have so much more power than I ever acknowledged.
I’m not sure if God was allowing us to go thru this long, difficult journey to teach David to trust..or me. I do know that I would do it all over again just to know that God has my sons heart and is working on molding him into the young man that he couldn’t be on his own.
So…when I read your post…I found myself standing on that rocky ground again, but this time I find myself standing strong with a sword in my hand praying for you, and all of the other parents that are surviving the threats against our families by the enemy and our own flesh!
I stand in agreement with Susan Shipe….NO MORE SATAN….NO MORE!!!
Thank you for your genuineness . NEVER give up praying…it’s not an option.
Kim, thank you so much for sharing. I am praying for your son tonight. I thank God he came home and for what he shared about his salvation. Yes, He does hear your Mother’s heart and He’s working. Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you, Abby. I needed this post too. Prayer is the answer for only our God can heal and restore our loved ones.
So glad to hear that God spoke to you, Maribeth. Praise God. I’m continuing to fight and pray with you. God bless and Happy New Year.
This works on all levels of life sweet Abby! Thanks for your “real ness”! This is our battle plan sisters! This is how to do life in this world. Gear up and never back down. We are princess warriors praying for all our families and friends. LUV THIS Abby. Sharing sharing sharing!
Thank you so much, SandraAnn. You are such a great encouragement to me. Sending love and hugs your way. Happy New Year.
Dear Abby, I love your posts!! This one in particular. I sat for a few hours with a friend yesterday as we shared our hurts, disappointments from family members over this holiday season. It was not all bad of course, but we got real and shared real life sometimes at this time of the year. We shared the that not all families love and respect each other. That some of us are alone at this time of year because of unforgiveness. I pray faithfully for my children. I do believe that I have faith that all things will be right someday. However, I also recognize that I don’t pray scripture over them enough like Jesus did to come back at the enemy who is trying to destroy my family and who wants it always to be destroyed. So I rise up and my come back will to to fight with the word and the Holy Spirit this 2019! Thank you Abby. You’re the best of the best! I am posting this blog on my website.
Betty, you are such an encouragement to me. I’m so glad this post encouraged you and yes, we will rise!
I love, love your posts Abby!
Seventeen years of prayers on my knees, fasting, fervency, tears, gut-wrenching sobs that leave you struggling for breath, groans that can’t be uttered, being kind, submissive, respectful, a safe place, being quiet, speaking the truth in love, speaking the Word, both over him and in prayer. Over my children. Over our home. Providing for my family, paying the bills, begging over and over for relief that never, ever comes… I can’t pray any harder than I have. I am exhausted. Nothing left. Completely. Emptied. Out.
Melanie, I have been in that place. I gave up praying for months and didn’t think I had another prayer left in me. I am praying for your family and for you tonight. God gives those loved ones a choice and sometimes they don’t make the decisions that are lead to life, but if they’re still living, there’s still time. I’m holding onto hope for you and asking him to renew your strength.
This was a great read and challenge for me! Sometimes we get so involved in our own lives we forget about our loved ones who are not saved and right with God. Thanks for following your heart!!
Abby, watching someone we love continue in their poor choices is so hard. It stirs so many emotions. Only heaven will reveal how God uses our prayers and especially praying scripture over them when they don’t even know to do it.
Needed this reminder to fight with everything I have. It’s so easy to get discouraged when we don’t see the change we’re praying for—just the opposite. Thank you for this.