Abby McDonald

Finding the Hope of Christ in a Messy Life

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The Battle We Ignore: Loved Ones, Addiction, and Lost New Years Resolutions

January 3, 2019 by Abby McDonald

I didn’t plan to write this post for you today. I had an outline for New Year’s possibilities and dreams, goal-setting and fresh starts.

But the truth is, that isn’t what was on my heart.

Traveling over five hundred miles to my South Carolina home for the holidays brought plenty of opportunity to reflect and look forward. But it also brought a reminder that for some, starting over because of a new date on the calendar isn’t so easy. For some, it’s not even a possibility.

We serve a God who makes all things new, but we also live in earthly bodies where the consequences of our actions are real. And as we enter the New Year, I wish with every ounce of my being that someone I love could start over. That time could erase the past wounds, the hurt and the mistakes.

We serve a God who’s in the business of doing the impossible, but there’s a fatal error we often make in our approach to family members and loved ones who self-destruct. Or at least, I know I have.

I’ve been fighting a spiritual battle with earthly tools.

It’s easy to say, “Stop.” Or, “Go to rehab.” Get a job. Do better. Get yourself together.

But there’s a war taking place in the spiritual realm we don’t see, and often completely disregard. Do we think the enemy wants those we love to get well? Do you think he wants to see God use what he intended for harm to become a living testimony to those who are lost?

Not for one minute. And he’ll do everything within this power to keep the wanderer circling the desert for another year, another ten or even a lifetime.

If we want to see progress, we have to recognize who the real enemy is. Because it isn’t the habit, the addiction or the poor decision-making. Those are only the symptoms. They’re the symptoms of a spirit in bondage. A spirit Christ wants to set free, but freedom is the result of a choice.

So what do we do? What tools do we have?

  1. Fervent, unceasing prayer.

I’m not talking about prayers where we go to God and say, “Father, please make so-and-so well. Amen.” Does he hear these prayers? Absolutely. But I’m talking about tearful, heartfelt prayers that bring us to our knees. In the day, in the middle of the night, and every hour in between. Not seeing results? Pray harder. If your loved one isn’t dead, there’s still time for change.

  1. Speaking the Word out loud, over our loved one, and in our prayers.

When Jesus was tempted by Satan in the wilderness, he defeated him with the Word of God. So if he needed the Word and his greatest enemy fled because of it, why don’t we use it more often? If don’t know about you, but this is an area where I can definitely grow.

If your family member or loved one is angry with God, remind him or her of his mercy and unfailing love. If they’re suffering from an identity crisis, remind them who they are once covered by the blood of Christ. Whether we see immediate fruit or not, God’s word never returns to him void. I can guarantee it.

  1. Relying on the Spirit’s power, not our own.

I’ve often thought I could argue my way into reaching someone. But this has worked exactly zero times. What works is when I let the Spirit guide my words. When I listen for that still, small voice before I speak and I pay attention to his leading. This takes practice, and I’m by no means perfect at it, but I’m learning. I’m growing. And as long as I keep seeking him, he’ll keep guiding me, whispering whether to turn to the right or to the left.

On our own, we have no power to influence anyone. Especially someone who is being held captive by a darkness that clouds judgment, disguises lies as truth, and presents temporary fixes that lead to long-term death.

Friends, we have to get real about what we’re dealing with. I’m standing with you in the gap today, and I’m committed to the fight. Let’s go to battle for the ones we love, and start battling the true enemy. Let’s do it together, today.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12 NIV

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Filed Under: faith, loving others, prayer Tagged With: #spiritualbattles, addiction, prayer

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  1. Laura Rath says

    January 3, 2019 at 6:28 am

    Thanks Abby. I needed this reminder today.

    • Abby McDonald says

      January 3, 2019 at 11:09 am

      So glad it spoke to you, Laura. I needed this reminder too and I’m praying for us both today. If our loved ones are still here, there is still hope and we will keep fighting.

  2. Susan Shipe says

    January 3, 2019 at 6:59 am

    Abby, finally someone writes about the good, the bad, and the ugly. I prayed those groveling, on the floor on your face prayers, I’ve snotted, I’ve ugly cried, I’ve screamed and shouted from the mountaintop declaring God’s Word over my loved one/s. I’ve sat quiet when God told me to shut up. I’ve collapsed on a friend’s shoulder when the weight of it had me down for the count and I allowed HER to go to war with me. I’ve pulled the sheets up over my head and said NO MORE GOD NO MORE UNTIL THERE IS BREAKTHROUGH. Until I limp I will wrestle for my loved one. Five years. And, then the miracle. Hang in my friend – their life depends on it. I’ve been in battle and I’ve held arms high for others. Father God in the Name of Wonderful we pray for Abby’s loved one – we speak life and salvation and healing and addiction-free over them — we pour out the Balm of Gilead and say NO MORE SATAN, NO MORE. Father God, Your arm is not short nor is Your ear deaf – work on behalf of this dear one. Let there be victory in the Name of Jesus in 2019. Amen.

    • Kim Brand Branch says

      January 3, 2019 at 9:22 am

      Beautifully said….thank you.

    • Abby McDonald says

      January 3, 2019 at 11:10 am

      Susan, your comment moved me to tears and gives me so much hope. Thank you, thank you for sharing. It’s been longer than 5 years for me, but I haven’t been consistent and God has given me renewed fervor to keep fighting. If they’re not dead, there is still time and God will move mountains on their behalf. God bless you and Happy New Year.

      • Kim Brand Branch says

        January 3, 2019 at 3:06 pm

        Abbey, I vividly remember sitting in one of many family support groups and saying that sometimes it would be easier to bury my son than to continue watching him slowly self destruct. I can’t honestly say that I was tearfully on my knees seeking God’s Will…although I spent many tearful days and nights trying to think of ways that I could fix his problems.
        It took 15 years and a literal hurricane to place me in a small church in a town surrounded by devastation before I finally received confirmation that God did hear my prayers for my son. It was such an emotionally sweet and compassionate “God Moment”.
        At that point, I began to pray for God to break my son to the point that he had no choice except to turn to God. I did not know at the time whether or not he had ever ask Christ into his life…so I prayed that God would surround him with a shield of protection until that was confirmed. I don’t believe I’ve ever had to put that much faith into a prayer! Saying that I was tearful is an understatement….I was on my knees sobbing because for the first time I knew in my heart that God had been battling for my son the entire time. He had no intentions of entertaining the idea that I would find relief if burying my son….that fear and hopelessness came directly from the enemy. What better way to make sure that a parent doesn’t get down on their knees and release their child into Christ hands than to fill them with fear and anxiety. I’m working daily (sometimes hourly) to lay those emotions along with guilt, shame, unworthiness and the need to control things I cannot control at the foot of the cross.

        I have not seen David in 2 years. Weeks have gone by with no communication and no details of where he actually was. We knew he was homeless and living in his truck in the mountains of Colorado. He began having severe panic attacks and paranoia that would push him to the point of calling me to sometimes say he was dying, and he was sorry. I would talk to him and pray until he called 911…he would go to the ER….then discharged back to freezing temps in his truck! But…we continued to pray for protection and brokenness. I had to believe that God was answering our prayers and His plan was to reach David’s heart.

        We got our Christmas wish this year. David came home Christmas Eve. God placed so many people and situations into play that there is no denying that it was His Hands driving those 4 long days to get him here. There were so many people praying for him…and my perfect gift this year was the confirmation that he had accepted Christ as his savior as a young teenager at summer camp. He has been running from God’s redemption and restoration for so long….but God never left his side.

        I wish I could say that we are communicating and it’s all rainbows and cotton candy now … it’s not. But I’m praying bold prayers now and I have resolved to let go of the fear that has had such a stronghold on my heart.
        I know God hears this Mother’s Heart. I know He has a plan for my son. I know that my prayers have so much more power than I ever acknowledged.

        I’m not sure if God was allowing us to go thru this long, difficult journey to teach David to trust..or me. I do know that I would do it all over again just to know that God has my sons heart and is working on molding him into the young man that he couldn’t be on his own.

        So…when I read your post…I found myself standing on that rocky ground again, but this time I find myself standing strong with a sword in my hand praying for you, and all of the other parents that are surviving the threats against our families by the enemy and our own flesh!
        I stand in agreement with Susan Shipe….NO MORE SATAN….NO MORE!!!
        Thank you for your genuineness . NEVER give up praying…it’s not an option.

        • Abby McDonald says

          January 3, 2019 at 10:54 pm

          Kim, thank you so much for sharing. I am praying for your son tonight. I thank God he came home and for what he shared about his salvation. Yes, He does hear your Mother’s heart and He’s working. Thank you, Jesus.

  3. Maribeth says

    January 3, 2019 at 8:10 am

    Thank you, Abby. I needed this post too. Prayer is the answer for only our God can heal and restore our loved ones.

    • Abby McDonald says

      January 3, 2019 at 11:11 am

      So glad to hear that God spoke to you, Maribeth. Praise God. I’m continuing to fight and pray with you. God bless and Happy New Year.

  4. SandraAnn says

    January 3, 2019 at 9:13 am

    This works on all levels of life sweet Abby! Thanks for your “real ness”! This is our battle plan sisters! This is how to do life in this world. Gear up and never back down. We are princess warriors praying for all our families and friends. LUV THIS Abby. Sharing sharing sharing!

    • Abby McDonald says

      January 3, 2019 at 11:12 am

      Thank you so much, SandraAnn. You are such a great encouragement to me. Sending love and hugs your way. Happy New Year.

  5. Betty Cooper says

    January 3, 2019 at 9:54 am

    Dear Abby, I love your posts!! This one in particular. I sat for a few hours with a friend yesterday as we shared our hurts, disappointments from family members over this holiday season. It was not all bad of course, but we got real and shared real life sometimes at this time of the year. We shared the that not all families love and respect each other. That some of us are alone at this time of year because of unforgiveness. I pray faithfully for my children. I do believe that I have faith that all things will be right someday. However, I also recognize that I don’t pray scripture over them enough like Jesus did to come back at the enemy who is trying to destroy my family and who wants it always to be destroyed. So I rise up and my come back will to to fight with the word and the Holy Spirit this 2019! Thank you Abby. You’re the best of the best! I am posting this blog on my website.

    • Abby McDonald says

      January 3, 2019 at 10:55 pm

      Betty, you are such an encouragement to me. I’m so glad this post encouraged you and yes, we will rise!

  6. Betty Cooper says

    January 3, 2019 at 9:56 am

    I love, love your posts Abby!

  7. Melanie says

    January 3, 2019 at 6:32 pm

    Seventeen years of prayers on my knees, fasting, fervency, tears, gut-wrenching sobs that leave you struggling for breath, groans that can’t be uttered, being kind, submissive, respectful, a safe place, being quiet, speaking the truth in love, speaking the Word, both over him and in prayer. Over my children. Over our home. Providing for my family, paying the bills, begging over and over for relief that never, ever comes… I can’t pray any harder than I have. I am exhausted. Nothing left. Completely. Emptied. Out.

    • Abby McDonald says

      January 3, 2019 at 10:57 pm

      Melanie, I have been in that place. I gave up praying for months and didn’t think I had another prayer left in me. I am praying for your family and for you tonight. God gives those loved ones a choice and sometimes they don’t make the decisions that are lead to life, but if they’re still living, there’s still time. I’m holding onto hope for you and asking him to renew your strength.

  8. Barb Tinsman says

    January 4, 2019 at 12:26 pm

    This was a great read and challenge for me! Sometimes we get so involved in our own lives we forget about our loved ones who are not saved and right with God. Thanks for following your heart!!

  9. Lisa Appelo says

    January 4, 2019 at 4:42 pm

    Abby, watching someone we love continue in their poor choices is so hard. It stirs so many emotions. Only heaven will reveal how God uses our prayers and especially praying scripture over them when they don’t even know to do it.

  10. Ashley Rowland | HISsparrowBlog says

    January 29, 2019 at 4:26 pm

    Needed this reminder to fight with everything I have. It’s so easy to get discouraged when we don’t see the change we’re praying for—just the opposite. Thank you for this.

Hi! I'm Abby and I'm so glad you're here. I am a wife and a mom of two very energetic boys and one sweet baby girl. When I'm not chasing them around I love to write about my love for a God who relentlessly pursued me, even during my darkest times. READ MORE...

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Friend, if you are in a season of waiting right no Friend, if you are in a season of waiting right now, I encourage you to look back on the ways God delivered you in the past. Repeat promises about his character out loud and write them in places where you will see them throughout the day. 

Doing these things may feel silly at first, but here’s what you’re doing: You’re rewiring your brain. When your mind is tempted to believe the negative, you are building a neural pathway to truth. You are creating a pattern, and as you do, it will begin to become more natural.

No matter what, remember God goes with you, even on the days it feels as though you’re alone. He is reaching out for you through the waves of chaos. Reach for him, and grab hold.
A few weeks ago, I had a heart to heart with God w A few weeks ago, I had a heart to heart with God while walking our dog in the cold. There were a few areas in my life where I was beyond weary. My honest confession didn’t leave me with any answers, but the release made me feel the weight lift a little. But still, I longed for some type reassurance. Like Moses before the burning bush, my heart whispered, “Show me your glory.”

That night my husband and I were sitting in our back yard, and I witnessed an unexpected gift I’d never seen: a meteor shower. Every few moments, a streak of light would illuminate the sky, and the magic of it left me awestruck. It was unlike anything I’d experienced in a long time.

As I put my head on the pillow that night, I sensed God saying, “I know you don’t always see it, but I’m protecting you in more ways than you know.”

There are fires He puts out that we never see.

Destructive masses flying toward us that are struck down before they reach us.

And while the struggle and the weariness remain, somehow I feel held right here in the middle of it. I know I’m seen. I know His love reaches places that go beyond those streaks of fire.

#faithhopelove #hisloveenduresforever #prayermatters #keepgoing
Have you ever heard a message that breathed new li Have you ever heard a message that breathed new life into a passage? This happened to me today, and I couldn’t believe the ways this psalm opened up before my eyes, even though I’d read it hundreds of times.

A valley of darkness is not a place where I’d want to sit down and have a meal. My focus would be on getting out. I can see myself asking God, “Can’t you see all these shadows lurking? Really, God?” And yet there David is, right in the middle of the shadow of death, eating. The Lord doesn’t wait until he gets to the other side to prepare the table. He prepares in right there in front his enemies. Enemies who are likely taunting. Whispering lies. Asking what he’s doing there and if he thinks he’ll really make it through. 

But God isn’t intimidated by the darkness that trembles in his presence. He wants to take David to higher ground. And you know what? He won’t get there by staying comfortable.

So instead of letting the voices of evil defeat him, David declares victory. His cup overflows. His path is secure. And ours is too, friends. Keep praising him in the midst of the battle today.

#authorsofinstagram #hopewriters #sundayscripture #hisgrace #victoryisyours #christianwriterscommunity #scriptureoftheday
We make thousands of choices each day, but not all We make thousands of choices each day, but not all of them are life altering. If you’re anything like me, when those big ones come 
you can go to God and expect an answer right then, even when you’ve done little to even connect with him.

But connection to God will always precede the direction of God. 

To enjoy the limitless benefits that come from this relationship, we must first take time fostering it. Wisdom, joy, love, and a sound mind are all at our fingertips. If we take the time. If we seek him before simply seeking his plans.

When we do, we find this:

1. God will open the doors he wants us to walk through. 

2. We often complicate what God has already instructed us to do. 

3. The right decision does not mean there are no bumps in the road.

Friend, I don’t know what decision fatigue you’re facing today, but know you face decisions that need to be made. This is the life we live. Whether they’re big or small, fear-inducing or not, know God is there with you, and he gives wisdom to whoever will ask.

#dailydevotional #decisionmaking #hisgrace #seekhimfirst
Sometimes the first sentence is the hardest to wri Sometimes the first sentence is the hardest to write. That’s why nearly every time I write, I ask myself these two questions:

1. What is my reader’s biggest struggle right now?
2. If I could tell my reader one thing, what would it be?

Asking these two questions not only clarify my writing, but keep it focused. The less rabbit trails, the better. 😉

What other questions would you add to this list?

#writingcoach #amwriting #writeyourstory #writingonwednesdays
This man gives selflessly of his time, love and en This man gives selflessly of his time, love and energy and teaches me so much about what it means to serve others with a humble heart. Today is his birthday, and I’m grateful that I get to celebrate another year of his life! Happy birthday, Chris! 🎉💗 We love you so much.

#birthdaylove #43yearsyoung #birthdaywishes
I am a visual processor. It always helps ingrain t I am a visual processor. It always helps ingrain things in my mind to see them laid out this way. That’s why I’m my book, Shift, I included several charts similar to this one to help transform our mindset. To shift our focus from what’s seen to what’s unseen.

One of the beautiful truths I learned through writing is that we get to control our narrative. We may hear words that aren’t true and even say them to ourselves, but they don’t have to get the final say.

We can:

1. Speak what’s true out loud. Matthew 12:35 says the mouth speaks what the heart is full of, but the opposite is also true. Speaking truth gets it into our heart.

2. Set boundaries on the toxicity we let into our lives. Whether it’s people, the news, social media or tv, we control what goes in. And what goes in matters to our mental health.

3. Write it down. We saw the Jews do this in the OT. It is a tried and true method and it works. 

Our minds won’t transform by osmosis. Lord knows, I’ve tried this method and failed. 😅 The battle starts with claiming the truth. But my prayer is that eventually the Word will become like air in our lungs, the same way our Creator breathed life into us.

➡️ Learn more via link in bio.

#shiftbook #shiftyourmindset #hopewriters #authorsofinstagram #christianauthors #bookstagram
Ever have a deadline looming and feel completely u Ever have a deadline looming and feel completely unmotivated to write? 🙋🏻‍♀️ Sometimes procrastination is not an option. Here are a few tips that have been effective for me:

1. Read or listen to something inspirational. Often, this will give me a fresh perspective or angle on a topic that I hadn’t considered.

2. Pray about it and dedicate your writing to God. God is the author of creativity. His Spirit is an endless source of beauty, inspiration, and fresh fire.

3. Move around. A blank computer screen is not very inspiring, is it? Movement and blood flow can spark a brain that’s tired and foggy with fresh ideas. 

Whatever you do, come back to the page. Always. Even if you think the writing is garbage, you can always edit. 

#writingtips #writingonwednesdays #writingcoach #keepgoing
I often forget that the middle of a new endeavor o I often forget that the middle of a new endeavor or opportunity is just as important as the beginning. When new beginnings and expectancy turn into endless days of the same, the transition can be grueling. Each day I must make the choice to get up and be present. I must be intentional about finding those new moments and opportunities for joy, even when they seem hidden.

While there are times in life when God calls us to leap or make a bold move for him, there are other seasons when he asks us to keep our feet firmly planted. In these seasons, our faith is stretched in different ways. 

Don’t let the messiness of the middle keep you from finishing the work God has for you. Keep looking for his presence in the details. Because one day, you will see the fruit he brought forth from that place.

➡️ Adapted from my book, Shift

#bookstagram #shiftbook #shiftyourmindset #faithfulness
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