I knew the answer, but I didn’t want to hear it.
“No. Not this season. Not yet.”
So I tried to twist God’s arm a little. Present him with a list of reasons why my plan was better. Manipulate. Did he see the stress and worry our family experienced? Did he care?
When that approach didn’t work, I cried bitter tears. My body felt like it was imploding as I screamed the question, “Why?”
I still don’t have the answer.
We don’t like to be left with unanswered questions, do we? We like it when life follows a proven formula, when prayers are answered like clockwork, and suffering is limited.
“No” feels like punishment.
When we don’t see the reason for it or what lies on the other side, we often assume that nothing good can come from it. All we see is a hope deferred, yet again, for an unknown season.
But what if “no” is actually God’s grace?
What if he’s working in invisible realms, even when we don’t understand his ways?
When Jesus sweat drops of blood in the Garden of Gesthemane, he knew the torture that awaited him in the coming hours. He knew how is body would be pulverized as the cat o’ nine tails ripped into his flesh. He wanted another way. His whole being ached for another way. Though divine, he still experienced every yearning you and I do today.
“‘Abba, Father,’” he said, ‘everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me.’”
Mark 14:36 NIV
We know the end of the story. There was no other way.
“Yet not what I will, but what you will.”
Though his flesh ached for deliverance, Jesus’ spirit was willing to endure his pending hell. For you. For me. For each and every one of us.
In that moment, his Father’s “no” became the grace that rocked heaven.
Those three days when the earth mourned for their lost Rabbi, he was conquering death. To them he was gone. Invisible. Defeated. But we know he was completing his mightiest work.
While we have the comfort of knowing the end of the story, those closest to him didn’t. They wailed. They asked that gut-wrenching question. Why?
As we approach Good Friday, I don’t know what unanswered prayer you’re experiencing. The “no” in your own life may seem insurmountable. Like a huge curtain that hangs heavily between you and God.
Can I remind you of something? Because of the Father’s “no” and Jesus’ obedience, the curtain dividing you and God was ripped from top to bottom. Its dividing power permanently broken.
Sometimes a “no” is God’s saving grace.
We may not see it. It may take every ounce of faith and death of our flesh to believe it.
But I do. If he was willing to endure the violence. The separation. The weight of each and every sin. I have to believe his love is perfect.
And I have to believe his “no,” in some way I don’t yet see, is perfect love too.
Thank you Abby for sharing such a precious message. Blessed Good Friday to you and yours!
Thank you, Elizabeth, and same to you! I hope you have a wonderful Easter weekend.
I so needed this reminder today Abby! It’s so hard when it goes on for years, and some days/weeks feel like He’s being silent. But knowing and believing He’s right here and doesn’t turn away makes all the difference when persevering. Happy Easter!
I hear you, Laura. There are some prayers I’ve prayed for years and I still don’t have the answer, but somehow when I surrender those needs to Him I find peace. It’s a daily battle, to be sure. Happy Easter to you too and thanks for stopping here today!
So true. So many times a “no” has been God’s incredible grace to me, as a freshly returned Prodigal. He has also been teaching me the difference between punishment and loving training.
And thank you for turning us to THE example to consider- one that gave us the indescribable gift of Easter. Powerful to reflect on.
I especially love what you share here: “the curtain dividing you and God was ripped from top to bottom. Its dividing power permanently broken.” Because He truly does appreciate our fleshly struggle and wants us to bring that to Him too. Our fears and doubts and grief.
I discovered that when I finally came to Him with my grief at surrendering my job to stay home with my kids. Grieving openly and honestly enabled my surrender and my heart to open in His comforting presence to the beautiful gifts HE wanted me to see in this surrender.
This is very timely for me. Can’t thank you enough for sharing ma’m.
“I have to believe His love is perfect. And I have to believe His “no,” in some way I don’t yet see, is perfect love too”. Yes!
God bless you ma’m, and of course, Happy Easter!
I so thankful to hear that, Marion. Praise God. Thank you for stopping by.