Abby McDonald

Finding the Hope of Christ in a Messy Life

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Crushed By the Weight of My Expectations

August 8, 2017 by Abby McDonald

My turn to share was coming, and I wasn’t ready. While the other women on our Google chat discussed their writing goals, my mind spun on repeat. Summer gave this word a whole new meaning, and I was still processing it.

Ah yes, goals. What were those again? My goal yesterday was to keep the boys playing outside for more than twenty minutes before they came back in screaming from bloodied knees and bumps on heads. Today it was to make it to bedtime without yelling.

Sometimes my goals vary by the hour. It’s my first summer with three kids at home, and my mental capacity seems to wane a little more each minute.

This afternoon, I turned my head to see our eight-month old trying to eat a dart our son left on the floor. (Don’t gasp; it was foam and rubber) Fortunately we were able to dislodge it from her death grip before she added purple styrofoam to her diet.

So, needless to say this Google chat was a welcome diversion where I could talk to other women like an actual adult. I listened to plans about our shared passion for writing and encouraging other women. It was bliss.

But my mind wasn’t on the future. It was on all the ways I’d failed over these summer months. Goals that weren’t met. Timelines that were set and passed.

I sat there listening and secretly thought, “Is it okay if my goal is to survive until school starts?”

When it was my turn to talk, I wondered if I should skip over August altogether. As if reading my mind, one of my friends spoke up.

“You know, Abby, we’ll support you however you need us to. If you just need prayer for strength during a season, that’s ok too.”

I could have cried. Why did I think that in the middle of summer with a new baby, new schedule, and endless distractions, my expectations should somehow remain the same? Everyone seemed to get it but me.

The weight of my own expectations crushed me.

I was buried under them. And I knew it had to stop.

Later that evening, I opened my nightstand and pulled out a treasure these same women sent me the week before my daughter was born: prayers for our sweet Elise. And prayers for me. I read over each one, soaking them in once more and paying particular attention to these words:

“May Abby find rest when rest is due and comfort solely in You.”

No, I wasn’t seeking comfort in Him. I was seeking comfort in items checked off my to do list. I wasn’t resting, but striving and worrying. I was trying my best not to feel invisible. But you know what?

In the middle of all our striving to be visible, we are never invisible to God.

He sees us, loves us and holds us even when we don’t see Him.

Friends, having goals is awesome. I will continue to set them and attain them. But we don’t have to fight for God to notice us. If we are in Christ, he already sees us as his beloved.

Claim it. Believe it. Live like it.

When we do, we can stop fighting for his attention and pour out a love that’s already ours.

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Filed Under: aspirations, discouragement, God's love Tagged With: #identity, goals, God's love

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Comments

  1. Betsy de Cruz says

    August 8, 2017 at 9:46 am

    I’m His Beloved. I’m claiming that today, Abby.

    I so enjoyed our chat the other day. I totally get what you’re saying because I’ve been thinking, “Write a book???! Whaat? Who’s idea was that?” Because August, heat, visitors, craziness. Yesterday my writing morning was sabotaged by electricians crawling all over the house to get our power back on after 6 hous of being off…

    (What makes me smile here is that YOUR goal of getting a writing plan in place totally rearranged my thinking. I thought, “Oh I wish I could be goal-smart like Abby.” Really. Maybe come September, we’ll actually get a plan in place. Or maybe not! 🙂 )

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 1:26 pm

      I love our talks too. They keep me grounded. 😉 And Betsy, you will get it done, my friend. I have full confidence in you. It will be in HIS timing, which is perfect! Love you, friend.

  2. Bev @ Walking Well With God says

    August 8, 2017 at 10:27 am

    Abby,
    If I could say one thing lovingly to you….it would be this: Your season for writing will come. You have an awesome God given talent and God WILL use it for HIS glory, but in His timing. Right now might not be the time for writing deadlines, but for loving on those precious (energetic and exhausting) children He’s given you. This time will pass so quickly and you will have decades to focus more on your writing. I promise. Listen to His prompting and His goals for your life right now. He knows what’s best for you and what will uplift you and not crush you. Now might be the time for keeping your toe in the writing waters, but not to immerse your whole body.
    Love and blessings,
    Bev xx
    ps. When I was raising my kids I used to tell people that one day I WOULD actually write seriously, but for now I was doing a lot of life research and gleaning good stories about which to write lol.

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 1:28 pm

      Bev, amen to Him lifting me- I’m so thankful for that! His yoke is easy and burden is light.

  3. Marion Da Silva says

    August 8, 2017 at 11:06 am

    I am a Senior Citizen and will have to leave my residence after 10 years due to low funds. I am well known there and know all the staff and medical people there.I will be torn apart and have to cut out necessary spending.Please pray fervently for me as I value your prayers. God bless. Marion

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 1:29 pm

      Absolutely praying for you today, Marion. I’m sorry to hear this. May God lead to the place he has for you to live.

  4. Stacey Thureen says

    August 8, 2017 at 11:15 am

    Abby, I love what you had to say in the last three paragraphs of this blog post. Awesome truth here, sister! So grateful that God has already won the victory, and that He’s our defender and friend. Praying God’s blessings over you today!

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 1:30 pm

      Amen, Stacey! We have the victory and so often we just need to claim it because it’s already ours. Thank you for your prayers!

  5. Kristine says

    August 8, 2017 at 11:19 am

    Yes, yes, and yes. I had to smile about envisioning foam darts on the floor, because we STILL own loads of those darts even though G is 17 now! Thanks for bringing the encouragement once again, friend. You and the girls are a HUGE blessing to me:)

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 1:31 pm

      Oh my word, Kristine. 17? I was hoping they would move on from this phase sooner… lol. You are a huge encouragement and blessing to me as well, friend. So thankful for you!

  6. Joanne Viola says

    August 8, 2017 at 11:20 am

    Beautiful, Abby. Our own expectations will crush us. Your words brought to mind the Scripture, “Come to me, all of you,who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for you souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matt. 11:28-30, NLT). Thank you for bringing me this much needed reminder today! Blessings!

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 1:32 pm

      Love that scripture, Joanne. Thank you for reminding me of this truth today! Yes, his love is not burdensome or heavy. So thankful for that. <3 Blessings to you too!

  7. Sherry Stahl says

    August 8, 2017 at 11:58 am

    Abby,
    I’m so glad you have great friends who helped you see your goals need to be different at this stage in life. You’ve got the biggest mission living inside your four walls 🙂 As a mom of grown kids I understand how fast the time goes so I just want to encourage you to rest in Him and enjoy the ride 🙂 Praying for the peace of God to bring rest to your soul and joy to your heart <3
    ~Sherry Stahl
    xoxo

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 5:10 pm

      Yes, friends like those are so needed and I thank God he placed them in my life! He keeps reminding me I have a ministry field right here at home. Thank you, Sherry.

  8. Becky Hastings says

    August 8, 2017 at 12:05 pm

    I love that we don’t have to fight to be seen and known fully by God! Somehow it’s easy to forget in this world of striving, but He is there no matter the season.

    And I can relate to those August goals of survival! Different seasons. Trying to learn to embrace the good in each one!

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 5:12 pm

      So true, Becky. I often forget and he is faithful to give me little reminders. And yes, I’m right there with you. Each season is beautiful in its own way. Sometimes I just have to look for the beauty. Thanks for being here today!

  9. Michele Morin says

    August 8, 2017 at 12:44 pm

    Abby, these words are so wise and wonderful to me, because I can also get de-railed by the sheer weight of my own do-list. I’m at a different phase of life than you, but have found that distractions and detours are the rule – not the exception, and I’m trusting for grace to take them in stride and persevere in a slightly different plan if that’s what God sends.
    Thanks for this piece — so helpful!

  10. Elizabeth says

    August 8, 2017 at 12:56 pm

    Wow! I just needed this reminder that I am not invisible to God even if I feel it that way.
    Thanks Abby for sharing this beautiful truth with us. I am always blessed reading your message of hope and inspiration. Blessings to you!

  11. Lesley says

    August 8, 2017 at 1:10 pm

    This is a great reminder. It is easy to be crushed by our expectations or to feel we have to reach certain standards to “prove ourselves.” It’s so important to remember even when we feel invisible that God sees us.

  12. Karen Friday says

    August 8, 2017 at 1:31 pm

    Wonderful post, Abby. Your voice is brave and full of honesty and realness. Thank you for that. This is powerful as it relates to us being visible to God. “He sees us, loves us and holds us even when we don’t see Him. Amen. Blessings, friend!

  13. KellyRBaker says

    August 8, 2017 at 1:31 pm

    How sweet that she offered support for what you were needing in that moment. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has to rearrange my goals because of kids. And also grateful I don’t have to fight for God to notice me. I think I try to do that without realizing.

  14. Jeanne Takenaka says

    August 8, 2017 at 2:20 pm

    Beautiful words, Abby. I had grand expectations for this summer. I thought I would get a lot of writing done on my current project. Silly me.

    Between boys having a lot on their schedules and needing time, I haven’t had the mental capacity/energy to devote to my project. I have to choose to be okay with this and to trust that I am following God’s leading, even if my own expectations aren’t being fulfilled.

    I LOVE that we are never invisible to God!

  15. Tiffany Parry says

    August 8, 2017 at 2:31 pm

    Grace upon grace, friend. It preaches well but often we forget to live it, don’t we. Praying that you breathe and savor this season, trusting that God is right on time. His plans for you don’t have an expiration date. Love you, dear friend.

  16. Rebecca L Jones says

    August 8, 2017 at 5:00 pm

    I used to feel invisible, glad God saw me. I used to write and do family daycare. Now my family just appeared to have turned into super loud people or my walls are really thin as I’m sitting here now. You are right about His timing, though.

  17. Lisa notes says

    August 8, 2017 at 7:27 pm

    Yep, been there, done that. “Everyone seemed to get it but me. The weight of my own expectations crushed me.” I often expect way more out of myself than anyone else ever would, and more than I would expect out of anyone else. Thank God for others who encourage us to let go of our absurd standards and live among the rest of the world. 🙂

  18. Summer says

    August 9, 2017 at 12:13 am

    What wisdom is in this post! I am so guilty of having unrealistic expectations for myself. I loved your statement about finding comfort in marking things off your list. I am the same way. So grateful that my God has compassion and patience for me even when I have none for myself.

  19. Lei says

    August 9, 2017 at 2:33 am

    I forgot how I landed to your blog but this is what I am feeling and felt. Just had my third baby this June and I feel no value at times because I stopped working. However, I am doing the best ministry now–being a mother and leading them to the Lord. Thank you for your post.

  20. Maree Dee says

    August 9, 2017 at 5:16 am

    Great post! I am so often crushed by the weight of my expectations. I want to do more, I think I should do more, yet that is not what is most important. It usually means I am not listening to God. I loved your post as it resonates with me right now as I try to seek and find exactly what God has in mind.

  21. Carlie says

    August 9, 2017 at 9:33 pm

    Such sweet encouragement, Abby! I love the reminder that we are never invisible to God, even when we feel invisible. I think if I truly accept that, then it will become easier ‘to pour out a love that’s already ours’. Beautiful words. Blessings to you!

  22. Lisa Appelo says

    August 10, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    Love the grace from friends so much. I read this e a r l y on Tuesday and then headed out to try to make my boy’s eyes light up with a day of deep sea fishing for his birthday. And then family in town. And kids who need to talk at midnight. I think God impressed on me this week that the daily ministry *and* frustrations from the enemy (lights out, Betsy?) will always be here and we just have to learn to work around them. Your work is valuable and seen and there is no missing out when God controls all time.

Trackbacks

  1. Waiting Or Procrastinating? - Do A New Thing says:
    August 8, 2017 at 10:26 am

    […] This week, I am linking up with Sue Detweiler at #LifeGivingLinkup, Kelly Balarie/Abby McDonald at #RaRaLinkup, #WomenWithIntention, Suzie Eller at #LiveFree, Susannah Kellogg at #FaithandFellowship, Susan Mead at #DanceWithJesus and the #OldieButGoodie Linkup, Kelly Balarie at #RaRaLinkup […]

  2. Detours: When We Take Wrong Turns – Jeanne Takenaka says:
    August 8, 2017 at 10:59 am

    […] linking up with #RaRaLinkup at Abby McDonald’s and with Holly Gerth today. Come read more wonderful […]

  3. God is in Control (Part 1) | Waxing Gibbous says:
    August 8, 2017 at 11:55 am

    […] I’m linking up this week with the RaRaLinkup, #TellHisStory, Coffee for Your Heart, Chasing Community, #HeartEncourgementThursday and Grace […]

Hi! I'm Abby and I'm so glad you're here. I am a wife and a mom of two very energetic boys and one sweet baby girl. When I'm not chasing them around I love to write about my love for a God who relentlessly pursued me, even during my darkest times. READ MORE...

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