Abby McDonald

Finding the Hope of Christ in a Messy Life

  • Home
  • About
  • Book
  • Speaking
  • Coaching & Resources
  • Blog
  • Contact

Crushed By the Weight of My Expectations

August 8, 2017 by Abby McDonald

My turn to share was coming, and I wasn’t ready. While the other women on our Google chat discussed their writing goals, my mind spun on repeat. Summer gave this word a whole new meaning, and I was still processing it.

Ah yes, goals. What were those again? My goal yesterday was to keep the boys playing outside for more than twenty minutes before they came back in screaming from bloodied knees and bumps on heads. Today it was to make it to bedtime without yelling.

Sometimes my goals vary by the hour. It’s my first summer with three kids at home, and my mental capacity seems to wane a little more each minute.

This afternoon, I turned my head to see our eight-month old trying to eat a dart our son left on the floor. (Don’t gasp; it was foam and rubber) Fortunately we were able to dislodge it from her death grip before she added purple styrofoam to her diet.

So, needless to say this Google chat was a welcome diversion where I could talk to other women like an actual adult. I listened to plans about our shared passion for writing and encouraging other women. It was bliss.

But my mind wasn’t on the future. It was on all the ways I’d failed over these summer months. Goals that weren’t met. Timelines that were set and passed.

I sat there listening and secretly thought, “Is it okay if my goal is to survive until school starts?”

When it was my turn to talk, I wondered if I should skip over August altogether. As if reading my mind, one of my friends spoke up.

“You know, Abby, we’ll support you however you need us to. If you just need prayer for strength during a season, that’s ok too.”

I could have cried. Why did I think that in the middle of summer with a new baby, new schedule, and endless distractions, my expectations should somehow remain the same? Everyone seemed to get it but me.

The weight of my own expectations crushed me.

I was buried under them. And I knew it had to stop.

Later that evening, I opened my nightstand and pulled out a treasure these same women sent me the week before my daughter was born: prayers for our sweet Elise. And prayers for me. I read over each one, soaking them in once more and paying particular attention to these words:

“May Abby find rest when rest is due and comfort solely in You.”

No, I wasn’t seeking comfort in Him. I was seeking comfort in items checked off my to do list. I wasn’t resting, but striving and worrying. I was trying my best not to feel invisible. But you know what?

In the middle of all our striving to be visible, we are never invisible to God.

He sees us, loves us and holds us even when we don’t see Him.

Friends, having goals is awesome. I will continue to set them and attain them. But we don’t have to fight for God to notice us. If we are in Christ, he already sees us as his beloved.

Claim it. Believe it. Live like it.

When we do, we can stop fighting for his attention and pour out a love that’s already ours.

An InLinkz Link-up


Share if you care!

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest
  • LinkedIn
  • Email
  • Print

Filed Under: aspirations, discouragement, God's love Tagged With: #identity, goals, God's love

Let’s Stay Connected

Subscribe to receive my latest posts via email.
And as a thank you, I’ll send you a free PDF download of
"The Daughter’s Manifesto."

Privacy Policy

Comments

  1. Betsy de Cruz says

    August 8, 2017 at 9:46 am

    I’m His Beloved. I’m claiming that today, Abby.

    I so enjoyed our chat the other day. I totally get what you’re saying because I’ve been thinking, “Write a book???! Whaat? Who’s idea was that?” Because August, heat, visitors, craziness. Yesterday my writing morning was sabotaged by electricians crawling all over the house to get our power back on after 6 hous of being off…

    (What makes me smile here is that YOUR goal of getting a writing plan in place totally rearranged my thinking. I thought, “Oh I wish I could be goal-smart like Abby.” Really. Maybe come September, we’ll actually get a plan in place. Or maybe not! 🙂 )

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 1:26 pm

      I love our talks too. They keep me grounded. 😉 And Betsy, you will get it done, my friend. I have full confidence in you. It will be in HIS timing, which is perfect! Love you, friend.

  2. Bev @ Walking Well With God says

    August 8, 2017 at 10:27 am

    Abby,
    If I could say one thing lovingly to you….it would be this: Your season for writing will come. You have an awesome God given talent and God WILL use it for HIS glory, but in His timing. Right now might not be the time for writing deadlines, but for loving on those precious (energetic and exhausting) children He’s given you. This time will pass so quickly and you will have decades to focus more on your writing. I promise. Listen to His prompting and His goals for your life right now. He knows what’s best for you and what will uplift you and not crush you. Now might be the time for keeping your toe in the writing waters, but not to immerse your whole body.
    Love and blessings,
    Bev xx
    ps. When I was raising my kids I used to tell people that one day I WOULD actually write seriously, but for now I was doing a lot of life research and gleaning good stories about which to write lol.

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 1:28 pm

      Bev, amen to Him lifting me- I’m so thankful for that! His yoke is easy and burden is light.

  3. Marion Da Silva says

    August 8, 2017 at 11:06 am

    I am a Senior Citizen and will have to leave my residence after 10 years due to low funds. I am well known there and know all the staff and medical people there.I will be torn apart and have to cut out necessary spending.Please pray fervently for me as I value your prayers. God bless. Marion

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 1:29 pm

      Absolutely praying for you today, Marion. I’m sorry to hear this. May God lead to the place he has for you to live.

  4. Stacey Thureen says

    August 8, 2017 at 11:15 am

    Abby, I love what you had to say in the last three paragraphs of this blog post. Awesome truth here, sister! So grateful that God has already won the victory, and that He’s our defender and friend. Praying God’s blessings over you today!

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 1:30 pm

      Amen, Stacey! We have the victory and so often we just need to claim it because it’s already ours. Thank you for your prayers!

  5. Kristine says

    August 8, 2017 at 11:19 am

    Yes, yes, and yes. I had to smile about envisioning foam darts on the floor, because we STILL own loads of those darts even though G is 17 now! Thanks for bringing the encouragement once again, friend. You and the girls are a HUGE blessing to me:)

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 1:31 pm

      Oh my word, Kristine. 17? I was hoping they would move on from this phase sooner… lol. You are a huge encouragement and blessing to me as well, friend. So thankful for you!

  6. Joanne Viola says

    August 8, 2017 at 11:20 am

    Beautiful, Abby. Our own expectations will crush us. Your words brought to mind the Scripture, “Come to me, all of you,who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for you souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matt. 11:28-30, NLT). Thank you for bringing me this much needed reminder today! Blessings!

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 1:32 pm

      Love that scripture, Joanne. Thank you for reminding me of this truth today! Yes, his love is not burdensome or heavy. So thankful for that. <3 Blessings to you too!

  7. Sherry Stahl says

    August 8, 2017 at 11:58 am

    Abby,
    I’m so glad you have great friends who helped you see your goals need to be different at this stage in life. You’ve got the biggest mission living inside your four walls 🙂 As a mom of grown kids I understand how fast the time goes so I just want to encourage you to rest in Him and enjoy the ride 🙂 Praying for the peace of God to bring rest to your soul and joy to your heart <3
    ~Sherry Stahl
    xoxo

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 5:10 pm

      Yes, friends like those are so needed and I thank God he placed them in my life! He keeps reminding me I have a ministry field right here at home. Thank you, Sherry.

  8. Becky Hastings says

    August 8, 2017 at 12:05 pm

    I love that we don’t have to fight to be seen and known fully by God! Somehow it’s easy to forget in this world of striving, but He is there no matter the season.

    And I can relate to those August goals of survival! Different seasons. Trying to learn to embrace the good in each one!

    • Abby McDonald says

      August 8, 2017 at 5:12 pm

      So true, Becky. I often forget and he is faithful to give me little reminders. And yes, I’m right there with you. Each season is beautiful in its own way. Sometimes I just have to look for the beauty. Thanks for being here today!

  9. Michele Morin says

    August 8, 2017 at 12:44 pm

    Abby, these words are so wise and wonderful to me, because I can also get de-railed by the sheer weight of my own do-list. I’m at a different phase of life than you, but have found that distractions and detours are the rule – not the exception, and I’m trusting for grace to take them in stride and persevere in a slightly different plan if that’s what God sends.
    Thanks for this piece — so helpful!

  10. Elizabeth says

    August 8, 2017 at 12:56 pm

    Wow! I just needed this reminder that I am not invisible to God even if I feel it that way.
    Thanks Abby for sharing this beautiful truth with us. I am always blessed reading your message of hope and inspiration. Blessings to you!

  11. Lesley says

    August 8, 2017 at 1:10 pm

    This is a great reminder. It is easy to be crushed by our expectations or to feel we have to reach certain standards to “prove ourselves.” It’s so important to remember even when we feel invisible that God sees us.

  12. Karen Friday says

    August 8, 2017 at 1:31 pm

    Wonderful post, Abby. Your voice is brave and full of honesty and realness. Thank you for that. This is powerful as it relates to us being visible to God. “He sees us, loves us and holds us even when we don’t see Him. Amen. Blessings, friend!

  13. KellyRBaker says

    August 8, 2017 at 1:31 pm

    How sweet that she offered support for what you were needing in that moment. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has to rearrange my goals because of kids. And also grateful I don’t have to fight for God to notice me. I think I try to do that without realizing.

  14. Jeanne Takenaka says

    August 8, 2017 at 2:20 pm

    Beautiful words, Abby. I had grand expectations for this summer. I thought I would get a lot of writing done on my current project. Silly me.

    Between boys having a lot on their schedules and needing time, I haven’t had the mental capacity/energy to devote to my project. I have to choose to be okay with this and to trust that I am following God’s leading, even if my own expectations aren’t being fulfilled.

    I LOVE that we are never invisible to God!

  15. Tiffany Parry says

    August 8, 2017 at 2:31 pm

    Grace upon grace, friend. It preaches well but often we forget to live it, don’t we. Praying that you breathe and savor this season, trusting that God is right on time. His plans for you don’t have an expiration date. Love you, dear friend.

  16. Rebecca L Jones says

    August 8, 2017 at 5:00 pm

    I used to feel invisible, glad God saw me. I used to write and do family daycare. Now my family just appeared to have turned into super loud people or my walls are really thin as I’m sitting here now. You are right about His timing, though.

  17. Lisa notes says

    August 8, 2017 at 7:27 pm

    Yep, been there, done that. “Everyone seemed to get it but me. The weight of my own expectations crushed me.” I often expect way more out of myself than anyone else ever would, and more than I would expect out of anyone else. Thank God for others who encourage us to let go of our absurd standards and live among the rest of the world. 🙂

  18. Summer says

    August 9, 2017 at 12:13 am

    What wisdom is in this post! I am so guilty of having unrealistic expectations for myself. I loved your statement about finding comfort in marking things off your list. I am the same way. So grateful that my God has compassion and patience for me even when I have none for myself.

  19. Lei says

    August 9, 2017 at 2:33 am

    I forgot how I landed to your blog but this is what I am feeling and felt. Just had my third baby this June and I feel no value at times because I stopped working. However, I am doing the best ministry now–being a mother and leading them to the Lord. Thank you for your post.

  20. Maree Dee says

    August 9, 2017 at 5:16 am

    Great post! I am so often crushed by the weight of my expectations. I want to do more, I think I should do more, yet that is not what is most important. It usually means I am not listening to God. I loved your post as it resonates with me right now as I try to seek and find exactly what God has in mind.

  21. Carlie says

    August 9, 2017 at 9:33 pm

    Such sweet encouragement, Abby! I love the reminder that we are never invisible to God, even when we feel invisible. I think if I truly accept that, then it will become easier ‘to pour out a love that’s already ours’. Beautiful words. Blessings to you!

  22. Lisa Appelo says

    August 10, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    Love the grace from friends so much. I read this e a r l y on Tuesday and then headed out to try to make my boy’s eyes light up with a day of deep sea fishing for his birthday. And then family in town. And kids who need to talk at midnight. I think God impressed on me this week that the daily ministry *and* frustrations from the enemy (lights out, Betsy?) will always be here and we just have to learn to work around them. Your work is valuable and seen and there is no missing out when God controls all time.

Trackbacks

  1. Waiting Or Procrastinating? - Do A New Thing says:
    August 8, 2017 at 10:26 am

    […] This week, I am linking up with Sue Detweiler at #LifeGivingLinkup, Kelly Balarie/Abby McDonald at #RaRaLinkup, #WomenWithIntention, Suzie Eller at #LiveFree, Susannah Kellogg at #FaithandFellowship, Susan Mead at #DanceWithJesus and the #OldieButGoodie Linkup, Kelly Balarie at #RaRaLinkup […]

  2. Detours: When We Take Wrong Turns – Jeanne Takenaka says:
    August 8, 2017 at 10:59 am

    […] linking up with #RaRaLinkup at Abby McDonald’s and with Holly Gerth today. Come read more wonderful […]

  3. God is in Control (Part 1) | Waxing Gibbous says:
    August 8, 2017 at 11:55 am

    […] I’m linking up this week with the RaRaLinkup, #TellHisStory, Coffee for Your Heart, Chasing Community, #HeartEncourgementThursday and Grace […]

Hi! I'm Abby and I'm so glad you're here. I am a wife and a mom of two very energetic boys and one sweet baby girl. When I'm not chasing them around I love to write about my love for a God who relentlessly pursued me, even during my darkest times. READ MORE...

Let’s Stay Connected

Subscribe to receive my latest posts via email. And as a thank you, I’ll send
you a free PDF download of "The Daughter’s Manifesto."

Privacy Policy

Stay Connected

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Popular Posts

How God Responds When His Own Want to Die
4 Truths to Hold Onto When You Think You've Let God Down
When You're Losing Hope in Your Season of Waiting
When You Stop Praying for the Miracle

You Can Find Me Here

Take the Challenge

Categories

Recent Facebook Posts

Recent Facebook Posts

Recent Pins

Latest Instagram Feed

Friend, if you are in a season of waiting right no Friend, if you are in a season of waiting right now, I encourage you to look back on the ways God delivered you in the past. Repeat promises about his character out loud and write them in places where you will see them throughout the day. 

Doing these things may feel silly at first, but here’s what you’re doing: You’re rewiring your brain. When your mind is tempted to believe the negative, you are building a neural pathway to truth. You are creating a pattern, and as you do, it will begin to become more natural.

No matter what, remember God goes with you, even on the days it feels as though you’re alone. He is reaching out for you through the waves of chaos. Reach for him, and grab hold.
A few weeks ago, I had a heart to heart with God w A few weeks ago, I had a heart to heart with God while walking our dog in the cold. There were a few areas in my life where I was beyond weary. My honest confession didn’t leave me with any answers, but the release made me feel the weight lift a little. But still, I longed for some type reassurance. Like Moses before the burning bush, my heart whispered, “Show me your glory.”

That night my husband and I were sitting in our back yard, and I witnessed an unexpected gift I’d never seen: a meteor shower. Every few moments, a streak of light would illuminate the sky, and the magic of it left me awestruck. It was unlike anything I’d experienced in a long time.

As I put my head on the pillow that night, I sensed God saying, “I know you don’t always see it, but I’m protecting you in more ways than you know.”

There are fires He puts out that we never see.

Destructive masses flying toward us that are struck down before they reach us.

And while the struggle and the weariness remain, somehow I feel held right here in the middle of it. I know I’m seen. I know His love reaches places that go beyond those streaks of fire.

#faithhopelove #hisloveenduresforever #prayermatters #keepgoing
Have you ever heard a message that breathed new li Have you ever heard a message that breathed new life into a passage? This happened to me today, and I couldn’t believe the ways this psalm opened up before my eyes, even though I’d read it hundreds of times.

A valley of darkness is not a place where I’d want to sit down and have a meal. My focus would be on getting out. I can see myself asking God, “Can’t you see all these shadows lurking? Really, God?” And yet there David is, right in the middle of the shadow of death, eating. The Lord doesn’t wait until he gets to the other side to prepare the table. He prepares in right there in front his enemies. Enemies who are likely taunting. Whispering lies. Asking what he’s doing there and if he thinks he’ll really make it through. 

But God isn’t intimidated by the darkness that trembles in his presence. He wants to take David to higher ground. And you know what? He won’t get there by staying comfortable.

So instead of letting the voices of evil defeat him, David declares victory. His cup overflows. His path is secure. And ours is too, friends. Keep praising him in the midst of the battle today.

#authorsofinstagram #hopewriters #sundayscripture #hisgrace #victoryisyours #christianwriterscommunity #scriptureoftheday
We make thousands of choices each day, but not all We make thousands of choices each day, but not all of them are life altering. If you’re anything like me, when those big ones come 
you can go to God and expect an answer right then, even when you’ve done little to even connect with him.

But connection to God will always precede the direction of God. 

To enjoy the limitless benefits that come from this relationship, we must first take time fostering it. Wisdom, joy, love, and a sound mind are all at our fingertips. If we take the time. If we seek him before simply seeking his plans.

When we do, we find this:

1. God will open the doors he wants us to walk through. 

2. We often complicate what God has already instructed us to do. 

3. The right decision does not mean there are no bumps in the road.

Friend, I don’t know what decision fatigue you’re facing today, but know you face decisions that need to be made. This is the life we live. Whether they’re big or small, fear-inducing or not, know God is there with you, and he gives wisdom to whoever will ask.

#dailydevotional #decisionmaking #hisgrace #seekhimfirst
Sometimes the first sentence is the hardest to wri Sometimes the first sentence is the hardest to write. That’s why nearly every time I write, I ask myself these two questions:

1. What is my reader’s biggest struggle right now?
2. If I could tell my reader one thing, what would it be?

Asking these two questions not only clarify my writing, but keep it focused. The less rabbit trails, the better. 😉

What other questions would you add to this list?

#writingcoach #amwriting #writeyourstory #writingonwednesdays
This man gives selflessly of his time, love and en This man gives selflessly of his time, love and energy and teaches me so much about what it means to serve others with a humble heart. Today is his birthday, and I’m grateful that I get to celebrate another year of his life! Happy birthday, Chris! 🎉💗 We love you so much.

#birthdaylove #43yearsyoung #birthdaywishes
I am a visual processor. It always helps ingrain t I am a visual processor. It always helps ingrain things in my mind to see them laid out this way. That’s why I’m my book, Shift, I included several charts similar to this one to help transform our mindset. To shift our focus from what’s seen to what’s unseen.

One of the beautiful truths I learned through writing is that we get to control our narrative. We may hear words that aren’t true and even say them to ourselves, but they don’t have to get the final say.

We can:

1. Speak what’s true out loud. Matthew 12:35 says the mouth speaks what the heart is full of, but the opposite is also true. Speaking truth gets it into our heart.

2. Set boundaries on the toxicity we let into our lives. Whether it’s people, the news, social media or tv, we control what goes in. And what goes in matters to our mental health.

3. Write it down. We saw the Jews do this in the OT. It is a tried and true method and it works. 

Our minds won’t transform by osmosis. Lord knows, I’ve tried this method and failed. 😅 The battle starts with claiming the truth. But my prayer is that eventually the Word will become like air in our lungs, the same way our Creator breathed life into us.

➡️ Learn more via link in bio.

#shiftbook #shiftyourmindset #hopewriters #authorsofinstagram #christianauthors #bookstagram
Ever have a deadline looming and feel completely u Ever have a deadline looming and feel completely unmotivated to write? 🙋🏻‍♀️ Sometimes procrastination is not an option. Here are a few tips that have been effective for me:

1. Read or listen to something inspirational. Often, this will give me a fresh perspective or angle on a topic that I hadn’t considered.

2. Pray about it and dedicate your writing to God. God is the author of creativity. His Spirit is an endless source of beauty, inspiration, and fresh fire.

3. Move around. A blank computer screen is not very inspiring, is it? Movement and blood flow can spark a brain that’s tired and foggy with fresh ideas. 

Whatever you do, come back to the page. Always. Even if you think the writing is garbage, you can always edit. 

#writingtips #writingonwednesdays #writingcoach #keepgoing
I often forget that the middle of a new endeavor o I often forget that the middle of a new endeavor or opportunity is just as important as the beginning. When new beginnings and expectancy turn into endless days of the same, the transition can be grueling. Each day I must make the choice to get up and be present. I must be intentional about finding those new moments and opportunities for joy, even when they seem hidden.

While there are times in life when God calls us to leap or make a bold move for him, there are other seasons when he asks us to keep our feet firmly planted. In these seasons, our faith is stretched in different ways. 

Don’t let the messiness of the middle keep you from finishing the work God has for you. Keep looking for his presence in the details. Because one day, you will see the fruit he brought forth from that place.

➡️ Adapted from my book, Shift

#bookstagram #shiftbook #shiftyourmindset #faithfulness
Follow on Instagram

Copyright © 2023 Abby McDonald | Design by The Design Diva | Development by MRM | Privacy Policy

LET’S STAY CONNECTED

Subscribe to receive my latest posts via email.
As a thank you, I’ll send you a free PDF download of “The Daughter’s Manifesto.”