I swear whoever coined the term “buyer’s remorse” was thinking of me.
I spend the next day second-guessing major purchases. I’m quite sure if you looked up the term on Wikipedia you would see a picture of me pacing over a recent appliance purchase.
Even an expensive pair of boots can leave me wondering, “but what if I find another pair I like better?”
It makes my husband a little batty sometimes.
“Do you think I should send them back, hon?”
His answer is always the same.
“Do whatever makes you happy, Sweetheart.”
This response makes me even crazier because I want someone to tell me what to do. To make the decision for me. But no, he forces me to make the choice myself, and although I hate to admit it, I know he’s right for doing it.
The real problem comes when I project my indecisive nature onto our ever-constant, unchanging God. I mess up, drop the ball or miss an opportunity and think, “Surely, God must be done with me.”
I wonder if the eternal relationship comes with a free return policy. I disappoint the buyer and he sends me back to my sad life, no strings attached.
Perhaps you’ve been there?
We can’t seem to get over this one hurdle in life and we think God’s looking down at us with all his perfect holiness, utter disdain on his face. Maybe he second-guesses his decision to adopt us into his family.
It is eternal, right?
And thinking this way doesn’t just affect our relationship with him. It affects every aspect of our lives. Our friends, family and colleagues feel the insecurity of our souls. We may convince ourselves ourselves the effects are isolated to the spiritual realm. But our souls are an outflow of our relationship with the One who created them.
When I thought about my word for 2017, my mind was all over the place. My sleep-deprived, newborn baby brain almost decided to forego the exercise this year. After all, my word last year was “awake” and we can see how that went.
I’ve never wanted sleep so badly in my life. Yes, thank you God.
But in all seriousness, that word was a blessing. I realized in many ways, my spiritual life was asleep and God awakened me to new ways to grow in my relationship with him.
For 2017, I thought God was going to challenge me with a word like “bold” or “fearless” because both are characteristics that need growth in my life. I know the only way I will be either of these things is because of his Spirit working in me.
But then I asked myself what the root of my fear was. What keeps me from being bold and fearless?
I realized I will never be either of those things until I fully embrace who I am in Christ: loved. Daughter. Secure. Safe.
Christ doesn’t have a return policy on his relationship with me. The security of my soul is written with his eternal blood.
When he looks at me, he doesn’t second-guess his choice and think, “Wow, I really screwed up when I sent my son for her.” He sees his beloved child, and he delights in his creation.
Perhaps you’re like me. Perhaps the gospel message seems a little too good to be true sometimes and you find yourself feeling insecure.
This year, may the words of John 3:16 not fall on deaf ears. May they sink deep into your soul.
For God so loved….
Say it. Believe it. And let it transform your life.
This is my word and my goal for 2017: living loved.