I hear my four-year-old’s voice beside me and try to muster the energy to respond. He’s going through a phase where he craves attention more than my oldest, and he questions everything.
“What’s that, Mama?”
“What’s he doing?”
“Why? Why? Why?”
I know there will come a day when the questions are few and far between, so I try to be present and let him know his curious spirit is valued and loved. But I am exhausted.
A warm cup of coffee and a new book beckon me, but I’ll be lucky to get to either before nightfall. And deep down I know this yearning to escape isn’t limited to my son’s inquisitiveness.
During difficult seasons, I often sleepwalk through life. I trick myself into thinking if I can just make it to bedtime, make it to the weekend, or make it to the next break, I will be okay.
But the hard truth is that going through the motions of life on autopilot is not okay. I’m not living, but slowly dying in a state of unconsciousness.
I’m sure there have been times when God has answered a cry for help and I didn’t even notice. Why? I was wrapped up in self-preservation, numb to what was happening around me. I blanket hurt and worry with busyness, shopping or a new show on Netflix.
What I’ve come to realize is this: If I want to receive God’s blessing, I have to be awake to see it. Sometimes the blessing comes through hardship, which allows me to see his glory. He purifies me through the struggle and shows me even in the midst of the valley, there is reason to praise and worship.
In 2016 I want to live life “awake,” which is why I’ve chosen this as my “one word” for the year. Whether I’m experiencing the joy of a milestone accomplished or in the throes of a financial crisis, I want to experience it with my eyes open, because that’s the only way to truly live.
Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.
Ephesians 5:14 ESV
Do you want Christ to shine on you? Oh Lord, I do.
God, I don’t want to sleepwalk through any of the seasons I am present on this earth. The time is short, and like vapor we are here one moment, and gone the next. Help me to keep my eyes fixed on you, even when life gets difficult. Awake me to the glorious wonders of your presence, right here in the every day.
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