Abby McDonald

Finding the Hope of Christ in a Messy Life

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Am I Striving or Abiding?

May 5, 2015 by Abby McDonald

striving-or-abiding

I’m doing it again.

The habit has become so rehearsed, so familiar, I rarely recognize it. I fall into it like a dance step.

I’m striving.

Sometimes I’m not even sure what I’m striving toward. I trick myself into thinking it’s Christ but is it really? Does a relationship with God mean constantly feeling insecure, like I’m always missing the mark?

I don’t believe it does. As a matter of fact, I know deep down in my gut this isn’t what following Jesus means.

But the problem is I usually don’t even realize when the abiding ends and the striving begins. It’s as though there should be some line in the sand where I can see if I’ve wandered over into the land of constantly feeling less than, not measuring up, and losing the gold star.

I once heard someone say the most beautiful attribute of God is also the most difficult for us to understand.

He was talking about his grace.

We humans tend to put limits on this divine characteristic, but our infinite God has an endless supply of it. In a world where we scream for what’s fair, grace doesn’t always make sense.

One moment I think I have a handle on it, and the next I know I’m grasping.

And therein lies the problem. We won’t ever fully grasp grace. It is beyond us.

Once again, I fall into the old, familiar habit of striving.

So today, I’m going to draw a line in the sand. I’m going to create some boundaries so all of us strivers know when to get off this endless, exhausting treadmill and come back to the saving grace of abiding.

In all my years of striving, here are a few things God has taught me along the way.

When I’m striving, I act out of insecurity. When I’m abiding, I’m secure in God’s approval and acceptance.

I know it’s by his grace I am saved through faith, and there is nothing I can do to earn what he already did for me on the cross. (Ephesians 2:8) Strivers believe nothing they can do is ever enough. But Jesus looks at us through the perfect lens of his Son, Jesus, and says, “You are enough. You are made righteous because of his blood.”

When I’m striving, I’m constantly worrying about my self-image. Abiders seek to glorify God, and know it sometimes costs the approval of others.

Strivers long to be accepted and loved by everyone. And while there is nothing inherently wrong with this desire, a person abiding in Christ knows she cannot please everyone. Her ultimate desire is to bring glory to God. Often in our pursuit of God’s will, there will be people who do not understand or are even opposed to our actions. In such situations we have two choices: either run from God in fear and doubt or move forward in faith.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” 1 Peter 5:6 NIV

When I’m striving, I feel as though I have to earn God’s love. When I’m abiding I know there is nothing I can do to make God love me any more or less.

I act out of a desire to share his love. There is an overflow and I cannot help but pour it into the lives of others. When we grasp even an inkling of how much God loves us, it changes us. We discover what true freedom really means.

“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” 1 John 4:16 NIV

Today, do you feel burnt out and empty, as though nothing you do is ever enough? Do you long for rest and peace?

If so, this may be a sign that you’re a striver, like me. Will you take my hand, close your eyes and just soak in his presence for a moment?

It’s time to stop striving for God’s approval and start abiding in his grace.

 

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*Linking up with these communities: #IntentionalTuesday

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: abiding in christ, faith, spiritual growth

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Comments

  1. betsydecruz says

    May 5, 2015 at 6:50 am

    Oh Abby, you’ve hit the nail on the head! Just at breakfast we were talking about how grace just goes contrary to human logic. We can’t understand it and hardly believe it. I like what you say in point #2: I’m striving when I’m thinking about my own image: what others think. Abiders just want to glorify God. They’re not worried about what they look like. Thanks for this encouragement to leave off striving in favor of abiding!

    • Abby says

      May 5, 2015 at 11:52 am

      So true, Betsy. It does go contrary to logic. I’m so thankful we serve a God who is “outside the box” and loves us even though we don’t deserve it. Thanks for your words, friend.

  2. Andrea says

    May 5, 2015 at 7:01 am

    Reblogged this on Inspirational and Encouraging Blogs.

  3. Betty Cooper says

    May 5, 2015 at 7:27 am

    Thank you Abbey more than words can say.

    • Abby says

      May 5, 2015 at 11:53 am

      Thank you so much for reading and for your encouragement, Betty. 🙂

  4. Betty Cooper says

    May 5, 2015 at 7:28 am

    Sorry I misspelled your name.

    • Abby says

      May 5, 2015 at 11:53 am

      That’s ok! 😉

  5. Rachel says

    May 5, 2015 at 9:09 am

    Ok this —> “Strivers long to be accepted and loved by everyone. And while there is nothing inherently wrong with this desire, a person abiding in Christ knows she cannot please everyone. Her ultimate desire is to bring glory to God.”

    This is something God has been working with me on too! I didn’t ever think I was a people pleaser but God has been showing me this is a struggle of mine and I need to please Him above anyone else. Thank you for this post <3

    • Abby says

      May 5, 2015 at 11:54 am

      I used to not think I was either, Rachel, but then God showed me how much I was worrying about other’s opinions. Thanks so much for visiting today, Rachel. Blessings to you!

  6. Ceil says

    May 5, 2015 at 9:17 am

    Hi Abby! I truly self-identified with your post today. I think I’m a ‘striver’ too. I notice myself getting tense and worried a lot, and that just means I don’t have enough faith that God will carry me. I like the idea of abiding…I think that’s where God really wants me!
    #RaRa Linkup,
    Ceil

    • Abby says

      May 5, 2015 at 11:54 am

      I am so glad to hear you identified, Ceil. It is always my prayer to encourage others and point them to Jesus. Thank you for visiting today.

  7. Leigh Ellen says

    May 5, 2015 at 9:39 am

    Abby,
    I am so blessed by your words. Thank you for spending time with our Lord and receiving these much needed truths on behalf of us – your readers! What a blessing you are to me!

    • Abby says

      May 5, 2015 at 11:55 am

      Leigh, that is so wonderful to hear. Thank you for making me smile today. 🙂

  8. TGAWrites says

    May 5, 2015 at 10:20 am

    -> “When I’m striving, I’m constantly worrying about my self-image. Abiders seek to glorify God, and know it sometimes costs the approval of others” powerful words today! Thanks for sharing and encouraging me to abide instead of strive.

    W/Love,
    Tayrina from TGAWrites

    • Abby says

      May 5, 2015 at 11:56 am

      Thank you for visiting today, Tayrina! This is something God has been laying on my heart, and from reading others posts on FB, etc., I knew I was not the only one who needed to see there really is a difference. Blessings to you, friend.

  9. Ellen Chauvin (@eechauvin) says

    May 5, 2015 at 11:00 am

    Abby, I loved this. Matter of fact, I will need to return here and re-read it several times! Wonderful insights!

    • Abby says

      May 5, 2015 at 2:57 pm

      Ellen, as one of my other friends said, I am a member of Strivers Anonymous so I will need this lesson again too I’m sure. 😉 Let us strivers unite!

  10. Anita Ojeda says

    May 5, 2015 at 11:19 am

    Thank you for laying it out for us, Abby! It’s so easy to drift over the line from abiding to striving. When I’m feeling weary, it’s usually because I’m not abiding.

    • Abby says

      May 5, 2015 at 2:58 pm

      Yes, it is so easy to cross that line, Anita. I’m so thankful that God gives wisdom to anyone who comes before him and asks. What a gracious God we serve!

  11. samcitty says

    May 5, 2015 at 11:55 am

    I’m currently reading a book by Christine Hoover called From Good to Grace, and it addresses this very issue. When I’m striving, it’s as if I’m pulling away from God. We try to save ourselves when we are striving but the fact is that we need to recognize the grace of God all the more. Blessed to be visiting from #RaRaLinkup.

    • Abby says

      May 5, 2015 at 2:59 pm

      That sounds like an awesome book! I will certainly make a note of it. I love reading. 🙂 Thanks so much for visiting today.

  12. Karen Brown says

    May 5, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    Abby- This is wonderful. Thank you for so beautifully and graciously drawing a line in the sand for strivers like you and me. A relationship with Christ should not feel like we are always missing the mark. Thank you for reminding me of that and for calling me in to the joy that is set before me in the gospel. Grace is outrageous and inconceivable, but it’s ours. I’ll take hold of it, and your hand, and pursue it by abiding instead of striving. Beautiful piece!

    • Abby says

      May 5, 2015 at 3:00 pm

      Amen, Karen. Grace is outrageous. What’s So Amazing About Grace by Philip Yancey is one of the best books on this topic that I’ve ever read and it truly changed me. Thanks so much for visiting today, friend. Let us stivers unite! 😉

  13. Stacey Thureen says

    May 5, 2015 at 12:51 pm

    So good. Such wonderful truth! Thank you. Stopping by from #RaRaLinkup

    • Abby says

      May 8, 2015 at 8:42 pm

      Thanks so much for stopping by, Stacey! Love this community. 🙂

  14. bevduncan103 says

    May 5, 2015 at 1:40 pm

    Abby,
    As a charter member of strives anonymous, it’s been a life long journey to get to a place of more abiding (abide is my favorite word by the way) And less striving. Abiding says…it’s been done. Striving says I still have to do it. Great and thought provoking post!
    Love you,
    Bev

    • Abby says

      May 8, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      Strives Anonymous. I love that! And I am definitely a member too…but working to not be. Thanks so much, Bev. You made me smile with that one.

  15. amykdalke says

    May 5, 2015 at 4:03 pm

    Abby- Your post was confirmation that I’ve indeed been hearing God correctly…to BE STILL, to cease the striving, and to rest on grace. Sigh. That’s so dang hard!

    • Abby says

      May 8, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      Amen, Amy. It is hard. I am working on it, with God’s grace.

  16. Faith To Shine says

    May 5, 2015 at 4:32 pm

    Abby, I can’t tell you how much I needed to hear this. Not just for the encouragement of your words- but to know that I am no alone in this struggle to leave the striving behind and simply bask in His grace-full love. I will hold onto this piece for a while, savoring it as a reminder to abide, not strive.

    • Abby says

      May 8, 2015 at 8:44 pm

      Oh no, Brandi. You are definitely not alone and I will walk alongside of you as we find this fine line and stand on the side of grace! (hugs)

  17. Dolly@Soulstops says

    May 5, 2015 at 8:49 pm

    Abby,
    Such grace and truth in your words…I’m learning I need God’s grace to abide in His grace 🙂 and He gives it when I ask for it…Thanks for a great post 🙂

    • Abby says

      May 8, 2015 at 8:45 pm

      Dolly, this is so true and profound at the same time: that we need his grace to abide in his grace. Thank you for sharing and that’s something which will stick with me for a long time.

  18. Kelly Balarie says

    May 6, 2015 at 6:45 am

    Abby, this is a fantastic post! I love your words and you speak with power. Thank you for defining this fine line that I know I can be so prone to cross over. You bless me with your words today. Cheering you on from the #RaRalinkup! Go Abby; your writing is God inspired!

    • Abby says

      May 8, 2015 at 8:46 pm

      Kelly, you are such an encouragement to me and I thank God for bringing us together, friend. Much love and hugs coming your way.

  19. Tiffany Parry says

    May 6, 2015 at 1:03 pm

    Love this, Abby. I love when God brings us to that place of enough is enough and urges us to be done with that “thing” that is making us work, that is pursuing our affection and stealing our worship. And then He gives us the power and strength to lay it down. Makes me think of Phil 2:13 “God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” Here is to laying down and letting go!

    • Abby says

      May 8, 2015 at 8:46 pm

      This is so true, Tiffany. It does steal our worship. I always love hearing your thoughts and thank God we crossed paths in the writing world. Much love to you, friend.

  20. Kamea Hope says

    May 6, 2015 at 2:05 pm

    I have been learning this lesson lately as well. I wrote about this recently in my post, ‘Surrender to the Wave’. How true that God is a loving Father with an infinite supply of grace – it is beyond our comprehension. We do not need to gain His approval, we need only to abide in Him. Thank you for the reminder.
    Blessings,
    Kamea

    • Abby says

      May 8, 2015 at 8:48 pm

      Kamea, thanks so much for sharing and it seems as though this is an issue God is laying on many hearts. Here’s to abiding in his grace!

  21. Rachel Quigley says

    May 6, 2015 at 4:09 pm

    What a good word, Abby! Yes, I find myself again and again going after what is unattainable and instead find myself in need of His grace. And that is where we are to live… in His grace. Not our own striving but in Him working through us! Thank you for this reminder and yes, I am taking a break to breathe Him in! Thank you!

    • Abby says

      May 8, 2015 at 8:49 pm

      It is such a fine line and easy to wander into that path of striving. That’s why I found it so helpful to make these distinctions. Thanks so much for your continual encouragement, friend. You bless me!

  22. sarahgirl3 says

    May 9, 2015 at 5:29 pm

    I fight striving too. These are thoughts I need to breathe in daily Abby!

  23. MaryHill says

    February 16, 2016 at 11:13 am

    So many truths in this post. I want to grasp how much He loves me. It is hard sometimes when life struggles mire you down. God is good though because He can place messages in your way just when you need it. Thank you.

    • Abby says

      February 17, 2016 at 10:05 am

      I am so encouraged to hear this, Mary. God is good! And I will make sure to check out your linkup. Thank you!

  24. MaryHill says

    February 16, 2016 at 11:16 am

    PS, I hope you will link up with us this week at Literacy Musing Mondays. Devotional and inspirational posts are always welcome. 🙂 http://maryanderingcreatively.com/book-lovers-commenting-contest/

  25. Ellen Chauvin (@eechauvin) says

    February 16, 2016 at 11:43 am

    Oh, Abby, I am always blessed by your posts! Yes, I am a recovering striver, who relapses more times than I care to admit. Just the thought of giving up the striving and abiding in Him, makes the knots in my shoulders loosen up a bit! Thank you!

    • Abby says

      February 17, 2016 at 10:05 am

      Yes, let’s loosen those knots! 😉 Thanks for visiting, friend. Always blessed to hear from you.

  26. Joy Williams says

    February 16, 2016 at 4:25 pm

    Wow Abby! The striving vs. abiding debate continues in my head. You did a great job of settling the issue in this post. I’m thankful for your honesty and your wise words. Blessings to you!

    • Abby says

      February 17, 2016 at 10:06 am

      Thank you for your encouragement, Joy! I really needed to draw that line for myself so I could see when I start drifting over. Have a great Wednesday!

  27. holyvacationqueen says

    February 16, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    Gosh!! This is GREAT Abby..so important to know that thin line that exists between striving and abiding! I need to paste this on my mirror!!: When I’m striving, I act out of insecurity. When I’m abiding, I’m secure in God’s approval and acceptance. Excellent blog today..
    visiting from #IntentionalTuesday today! So happy to visit again!

    • Abby says

      February 17, 2016 at 10:07 am

      Thanks so much for visiting! Always blessed to hear from you.

  28. Horace@pleasingtothePotter.com says

    February 16, 2016 at 7:01 pm

    Well said Abby! I tend to stray over to the “striving” side of things. I think it is impossible to understand God’s grace because it is so contrary to the human condition. I am trusting God in everything and learning to stop striving and abide in Him. I know when we do abide we are much more effective in accomplishing His will for our lives. Thanks for sharing such a thought provoking and much needed post. I will be sharing this today. Have a wonderful week and blessings to you and yours!

    • Abby says

      February 17, 2016 at 10:08 am

      So true, Horace. It is impossible to understand. And yet, that’s what makes God so amazing. Thankful we don’t have to understand and can simply be loved. Thanks for your words of encouragement here!

Hi! I'm Abby and I'm so glad you're here. I am a wife and a mom of two very energetic boys and one sweet baby girl. When I'm not chasing them around I love to write about my love for a God who relentlessly pursued me, even during my darkest times. READ MORE...

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Several years ago, I learned something about dark Several years ago, I learned something about dark seasons I tried hard to avoid. I saw that rather than running from them or explaining them away, sometimes we have to lean into them. 

When Martha sends word that her brother is dying, Jesus is only one day’s walk away. But he waits. And he doesn’t wait because he’s disillusioned about the situation. No, he has a purpose to his delay.

“This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”
John 11:4 NIV

Sometimes God allows the darkness so that his Light can be magnified.

It isn’t because he doesn’t care. He isn’t sitting on his throne, removed from our situation like he’s playing some video game. He weeps for us. 

He doesn’t just hurt when we hurt. As I read in a recent devotion, he hurts because we hurt.

Could Jesus have prevented Lazarus from dying altogether? Absolutely. Mary and Martha know this, and it is one of the first things they say to him when he arrives. They don’t yet see the reason for his delay. So what good comes out of his death? We see it as the story concludes.

“Therefore many of the Jews who had come to visit Mary, and had seen what Jesus did, believed in him.” John 11:45 NIV

I don’t know what darkness you’re walking through today, friend. But I do know he sees and he laments with you. Invite him into that place with you today. Sometimes the light we long to see is just on the other side of a weary cry for help.
When I read the story of creation, I always find i When I read the story of creation, I always find it interesting how God didn’t remove the darkness to create the light. Although he had the authority to do so, he didn’t expel it once and for all when he said, “Let there be light.”

No, he separated the two. It’s as though there was some plan, some purpose behind it. Then, fast-forward a couple of thousand years and we meet Jesus- the One who calls himself The Light. He tells us in John that those who follow Him will never walk in darkness. (John 8:12)

And yet, he doesn’t banish the darkness either.

As a matter of fact, there are situations where he allows it to enter the lives of those who walk with Him.

Recently, my family entered circumstances where the darkness was thick. I wasn’t just uncomfortable. I was on my knees. But I wasn’t interested in seeing what God was trying to reveal to me through the pain or whether there was a reason for it. I wanted it to go away. Period.

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A few months ago, I learned something new about on A few months ago, I learned something new about onions: They have a ripening agent in them. So when we had groceries delivered over the weekend and our avocados weren’t ripe, I put them next to the onions. A day later, and we had delicious avocados, perfect for guacamole, wraps and sandwiches.

Have you ever noticed people can have the same effect? Some bring out the best in you, while others make you doubt and second-guess yourself. Some want to see you pursue your God-given dreams and talents, while others only criticize and point out all the reasons your ideas will fail. Friends, I’m not talking about criticism that’s constructive- and yes, it does exist. I’m taking about criticism that highlights the giver’s insecurity. There is a huge difference.

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#fridayintroductions Happy Friday, friends! This #fridayintroductions

Happy Friday, friends! This is me standing in the middle of our work-in-progress kitchen. We’ve been piecemealing a reno together for a few years now, and I’m smiling because the end is finally in sight.

The middle of things can feel messy, can’t it? Whether it’s a renovation, a project, or a big move, that middle place can be long and tiring. We may question a call we heard from God or even quit when it gets hard.

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My focus can admittedly be pretty narrow. I get ho My focus can admittedly be pretty narrow. I get honed in on that one goal or one problem I can’t seem to surmount. I look at what’s in front of me instead of remembering that my story doesn’t start or end there.

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God is the master at creating beautiful pictures. Often, we just have to stop and readjust our lens. It’s only then that we’ll catch a tiny glimpse of what he’s doing. And sometimes, it takes our breath away.

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The more I walk this road with Jesus, the more I see this: Big faith is reaching out to my neighbor, even when I’m not sure she’ll reciprocate. It’s making another attempt at connection, even when we’ve been humiliated by rejection. This is faith. These are the things that honor a God who faced the biggest rejection and humiliation of anyone.

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A gift that sits on a shelf, unopened, isn’t a g A gift that sits on a shelf, unopened, isn’t a gift that’s going to make a difference or impact. And it occurred to me as I was reading in Romans this morning - this is often how I treat God’s grace. I act as though it’s borrowed and he’s going to ask me to return it when I mess up or fall. I often walk as if at any moment he may say, “Nope, that’s it. No grace for you today.” 

Today I’m declaring: lie from the pit of the enemy.

When Paul talks about Christ’s work and our justification through his blood, he repeatedly uses the past tense. In other words, it’s already done. It’s not dependent on any works we do or will do. 

But we must do this: Receive it. Accept it. 
God’s grace is a gift freely offered to each of us, but like any gift it must be received to change who we are. 

Claim it as yours today and forever. And then, walk in it. 

#grace #faithwriter #hopewriters #writersofinstagram #amwriting #identityinchrist #christianblogger
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